Heartbreak...

Heartbreak is real, and I am not going to be here pretending NOT to understand how it feels, but then throwing a massive pity party, or looking for very sad Instagram and Pinterest memes to share, or even coming on social media to throw tantrum isn't gonna help.

Sensible people may feel heavy hearted, and even have nights when falling asleep becomes inconceivable, but for a while. After that, they deal with it like they just don't care, and not because they don't, but because excessively grieving over someone who has nothing to offer but pain is a bit immature.

They say:

"Some people are like clouds, when they disappear, it's a brighter day."

What we all want....

We all want people to take interest in us, to pay attention to what we do and like, to avoid the things we dislike, and to want to know what's going on in our lives. And because it's uniformly felt, it should be mutually exercised by each party towards the other(s).

Even if a romantic relationship is what you're a partner to, if you (man or woman) are going to need the other partner to spend more time nursing you than dating you, and you're not giving it back like you're receiving it, then sweetheart you're in need of a mom or dad, not a lover.

For the record, I am neither the victim/subject nor the perp/agent herein. It's what's on my mind, not what I am going through -  [Purr mu lerr] people these days are so quick to cast judgment or throw pity parties for people that are probably happier than them.

Ivy League education or not....

Sometimes you need no Ivy League education to be the best in the market, and Mubarak Muyika's story can confirm that. Muyika is that 20 year old millionaire who turned down Harvard to build his company in Kenya. About Havard, see how the best institutions of higher learning are because they know how to identify and recruit promising talents, even if it means making room for exceptional cases.

But, hello! Look at those not-so-high higher learning institutions that are hellbent on their stiff English and Maths entry requirements, irrespective of the student's inventive and entrepreneurial suitableness. Half their graduates end up been all over the place, wrestling with words and philosophical quotations, disguising the throes of the real world around them with very shifty intellectual arguments.

Don't droop your head to them...

Some people will purposely antagonise you just to feel good, to belittle or reduce your pride to nothing, and for the foolish reason that you made them feel underwhelmed, by beating them to their secret desire to be the first to know, own, do, see and say everything.

If you tell them something new, they'll say it's stale news. You own something great, they'll act as if they have seen better, or you're not the first to have it. You'll even be accused of having an ego that you do not have. Screw that!

Hey! If you ask me, you did nothing, because taking a leading role is no one's monopoly. In fact, it's not about you, it's about them that cannot find themselves putting others first in anything. So just remain in your cool... that way, you're screwing their feelings.

Intimidating ladies...

I did boarding school, did the streets, rolled with and saw the ghetto's most contorted facial expressions. But to be honest, none is as intimidating as a lady whose tolerance level for stupid bullshits is so low that anytime you see her, she has her eyebrows brought together, and her forehead wrinkled.

Not the scarecrow type; these ones are usually beautiful, self-directing, and have a lot of admirable personal qualities, but impervious; always looking like they are so pissed, and can't wait to whoop some ass. But if you ask me, I think it's a good thing. Knowing how cocky and bothersome it is out there, repellent like that can come in handy.

Are you really hated?

If you ask me, part of what it takes to grow up is to realise that reactions towards you will greatly depend on how you present, behave and conduct yourself, and how you treat others around you.

So, you know you have a lot of growing up to do if all you do is to attack and disrespect people on the assumption that they don't like you, forgetting that people that are liked have identifying characteristics and habits that are likeable.

Granted, people can hate you for being the very embodiment of everything they want to be. But you can also be disliked for being a mean-minded jerk, and for your unwillingness to say sorry even where sorry could have made all the difference.

Perspectives...

She said: "Hai, why not? If he acts like his chargecard has no limit, why should I?

"Doff rek!" Said the scapegrace: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

The wise one was like: "Well, except if there's a catch in the free milk. You know, one that you will have to pay in some way."

Me? Do your thing. Just don't be a start of something you don't want to be the end of.

Africa, before and today...

According to undoctored stories of traditional Africa, before everything started costing money, and wallets and titles became standards by which worth is measured, communities were founded on the guiding belief that every individual is pertinent, and everyone is because of people around you.

In those days, the Zulu saying in Brenda Fassie's "Umuntu Ngumuntu Ngabantu" (a person is a person because of people) wasn't only a moral value, it was a way of life.

The other day I was watching a video done somewhere in the provinces of Mali, and the most evocative part of the narrative thrust of that film was seeing an entire community helping in the construction of a house for a young man who was about to get married. The house was mud, certainly not so desirable, but the intentions were.

Today, it feels like we are moving away from that spirit of reciprocal living to a divided and shifty entity of individuals who cannot be counted on for anything, unless there's something in it for them, and of users who can be biased, swayed, persuaded, and induced into doing anything for personal gains, and under the guise of acting in good faith; that saddens me.

Ku wax feign...

Aristotle was reported to have said that: "it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Now pull up mek mi drop a remix pon dat one ya:

It is the mark of the miseducated mind to NOT be able to entertain any thought other than what he or she's already conceived.

If you're none of the above, you're as empty as my fridge, and that can be a good thing, as it was written: "even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” - Proverbs 17:28

Rose from concrete...

Did you hear 2Pac's poem about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?

Metaphorically confirming that yes, survival in this cold world is not a fair fight, but any man can grow out of all his troubles to survive, and to make good out of a seemingly improbable life. Just like that rose, you will have a lot of scratches, marks and even damaged petals, that's without doubt. But by God and with persistency of purpose, you will someday blossom to the startling realisation of how extended your lineage was all the while.

So just because somebody is supposed to care about you doesn't mean the person will care about you. Humans are complex beings, and ours is a society that's traditionally not so friendly towards people trying to rise from nothing to something. But worrying about what's not been done for you, like you cannot be delivered from that unlucky situation will only eat you up.

I have seen high-profile people from low origins, who growing up had none but a single mom determined to raise a child. I have seen luminaries who grew up solo and on the streets, in orphanages and foster homes. But they went against all odds, broke out of their inherited circumstances to create new identities - now look who's laughing. So stop aiming to look pretty on someone else's means and strive until you run out of choice.

Call this insurance...

Every human being should have a life that is okay for all to know, a life that only a select few should know about, and one that should be kept secret. Even Facebook that wants to know what's on everybody's mind has an audience selector tool, to let you choose who you share with.

For the record, I am not asking anyone to be like Timon of Athens, but if your trust game is so tight that you can read your diary out to anyone, you need to also take into account that the first thing the snake in the grass does is to pretend to be a part of the grass.

Same way, the backstabber will first deprive you of the means or the disposition to harm him by being a friend, then he gets closer to identify your weakness, then exploits that weakness, and then sits back to drink your tears, or worst case your blood.

Huh!

She made it feel like I was despicable, and me being me, I gave up. Couple of hours later she SMS'd:

"YA khochu tebya pryamo seychas."

I was like what in hell's name is this, could it be she changed her mind? It took me a night and a half to find a translator, and the message was:

"I want you right now."

Yay, hello! She was gone, but why did she pull out the stops? My mystery Russia. From that experience on, tenacity became my speciality.

Insanely jealous...

It's natural to be troubled by worries that if you don't play your cards right, you may be replaced in her affection; I mean your woman. But the pits of foolishness is feeling so jealous and insecure when no one wants what you have.

Why deal with that load of wahala. Me? If I see someone like that, I am like go die, prick head.... and I am not mean, I am just being reasonable. Like why think she'll consider leaving if she was really yours.

Yours is yours, mine is mine...

I don't think there's anything wrong in liking one thing over another, or yours over someone else's; people are different. Me? I almost always like to secure mine, but that doesn't make everyone else's an inferior quality.

Someone said: "Pompiterr moma gaynal patat, kunj si yorbu polis, mba nyu tejj la, sa lawyer ba dessa aye"

Meaning: If you're taken to the police or locked away for preferring Irish potatoes to sweet potatoes, your lawyer's incompetent.

What I do not understand is thinking that you cannot exalt your taste or choice without stepping on, or laughing down another person's. I think that's so unnecessary. What's wack is sometimes relative... and I mean sometimes!

Are you really cool?

You can put on airs all you want, but don't make yourself cool by showing how uncool someone else is, it's uncool. Being cool is not about the mark you wear, the number of celebrities you know by name, the supposed caliber of people you roll with, the parties you get invited to, or how well you're upping your accent game, and certainly not about changing the way you walk like you're suffering from a severe pelvic misalignment.

Being cool is about having a lot to flaunt but deciding to live gentle and humble. It's about living like someone I know; someone who lives in a First World house in a Third World country, a luxurious flat equipped with whatever is needed, everything from Madison Avenue; no secondhand container, no roadside carpentry workshop, someone who could've chosen to be arrogant yet lives a very modest lifestyle.

But then, in a society where 'chapteh, star-star-lu, ak mun dekabi' (being just over broke but able to walk the town), nonchalant extravagance and being a self-publicist are standards by which class is measured, give someone a business suit and ask him to manage just 0.000001% of the corporation he works for, then watch him act like he's his boss' boss, not knowing that such arrogance and belittling attitude is a recipe for misery. But that's why most of us eventually break our 'sutura' (veil) into pieces of shame.

Talent plus connections equals success...

One thing my athletic aspirations taught me was that talent and the size of the fight in you will just get you so far. But in order to go further than far, you will need people with whom you can connect, people who can open doors, offer you chance and influence.

Yes, everything happens by God, but God gives through others, through people who can make all the difference, from doors slamming and things happening to you to things happening for you. So be as selfstanding as you wish, but don't be too much of an island.

Your true friend...

Do you have that one person who whenever you are in trouble, will decide not to leave like everyone else, that one person you took for granted because you believe the person is already the president of your fan club, that one person who chooses to believe in whatever you do, but you never did think this person matters because you got your eyes on cooler buddies to make?

Do you have that one person who tolerates all your stupid BS, and is always happy for you, and for the things you got, but whose special moments you don't even remember, that one person that is ever ready to fight by you and beefs with whosoever you are beefing with, but tells you how wrong you are when you are wrong?

If you have that one person, you are blessed, because that person is a true friend. But you will probably not know until things go south, your fairweather friends gone, and knowing a person like that person turns out to be all you have. That's the time you will realise that true friendship just like true love is never meant to be chased, it is always there.

No when to....

Where I come from, it is said that before the fruit of a baobab tree is of any use, it must be broken. This is normally said to encourage people to speak their thoughts, to give advice and to warn one another. So if you have something to say, say it and don't mince it, for it is better to say "I told you" than "I knew it will come to this."

But be careful, because it is also said that where there is harmony, there is someone who knows something he has not said, especially something about someone. So if what you know or what you're thinking or about to say is reason enough to get punched in the face even before saying it, don't say it...But..... no, never mind. I'll say that some other time. 😉

You can always make it better....

Truth is, spending the best part of your life making stupid decisions is going to break your heart. Growing up to the consequences of all those stupid decisions is going to break your heart even more. But even more heartbreaking than all that is living amongst folks who will judge you for those stupid decisions.

But the stupidest decision you will ever make is to let those judgements cause you to believe that your future cannot be better, or as if you are a lost cause. I don't know about you, but me, I believe that life does not get better because you started out early, at least not always. I think your life gets better through change, and your ability to manage that change in you.

My typa black...

If being black and "staying black" in the hood is caused to mean don't attend college, blame twenty-ten hundred years of history for all your woes, including all the bigotry that you keep allowing on yourself, or use slogans inspired by the Universal Negro Improvement Association (UNIA) to seek to "unify and uplift" people of African descent, and to burn everything white, then I will rather stay gray - and if showy speeches and high-sounding vocabulary with little meaning is caused to be the standard by which the black man measures his intelligence, let me remain dumb.

Fortunately, with all these smartphone-using smart black kids getting degreed all over the place, if intellectual masturbation is your thing, stop it already because it may lead to your shame; these kids can Google. Now, being smart like Oprah, Obama, Mustapha Njie (Taf), Michael Jordan, Dr. Dre, et cetera is becoming the new black. Those applaud-harvesting Armitage School "jangist" tendencies are dying and should stay dead. Let me rephrase that: Distending beyond natural English to impress or to sound deep and very difficult to understand is no longer fashionable and puts nothing on the table. Today, the black worth looking up to is the black that communicates in a well thought-out and well considered manner, and one who walks the talk.

Let it drop...

If you have this one skeleton in your closet, just like everyone has one, and there is this someone who knows about it, uses it to intimidate you, to wring concessions out of you, and to threaten you with public accusation or exposure. C'mon yo! How long do you have to pay for your secret to be kept like that?

If you ask me, if it is just that one thing, and nothing out of the ordinary (nenemarjo), and you know you are as fallible as every human being, let the person drop the bloody bomb. Truth is, it is gonna hurt, perhaps cost you some temporary loss of dignity, but it is just for that one time and you will be free for all eternity.

Anybody can be somebody...

I buy 'Ebbeh' from this girl at least once a week, and not because I crave it, but because I was brought up to appreciate those who detach themselves from that inflated sense of smug superiority to get by, especially women. This one probably just don't know it yet, but she's a work in progress of a success story, and I pray she becomes one.

In fact, to me, every girl's something in her own right, or at least has the potential to be someone. She can be anyone, or be with anyone she wants to be with, from celebrities to front row politicians, because none can be disfavoured by both ingenuity and looks at the same time; God ain't mean. But they say if you gotta do something to be something, do it right.

So, wishing to improve your social standing is not about doing just anything for the making of ratings, it's about doing what you do, and doing it like your future depends on it. It's about being high-achieving and ambitious in a good sense. But if you're doing all that and folks still talk trash about you, it is probably because they feel insecure around you; screw their feelings and do you.

Grow stronger...

From when I was a kid, watching documentaries and reading biographies of luminaries has always been my thing; it keeps me inspired... and going by all the stories I have read so far, it is safe to conclude that life has never been an easy ride and it never will, not even with those that we think were born with silver spoons in their mouths.

Some people may prefer not to worry others with their trying conditions, but everyone out there is either battling or has battled with a crisis that you and I know nothing about. However, those who attain conclusive success are those who make their unfortunate experiences look easy by growing stronger.

So, grow stronger and disburden your heart from worrying about enemies and haters that exist only in your imagination. Grow stronger and be delivered from the judgment of the envious, from that of the prejudiced, and from the company of the foolhardy (kawuyeh), especially one that is wheedled into action against you. Grow stronger!

Don't diss...

You can suck up all you want, but you don't need to compliment or try to show how wonderful one friend is to you by disrespecting another friend; that’s so not cool.

Remember, like the tides of the sea, circumstances keep changing, and you wouldn't want to be sorry when the trash of today becomes tomorrow's treasure.

Imagine....

Imagine a world where everyone will forget about receiving or taking, and everyone has this quick and ardent willingness to give. Imagine a world free from dissimulation and pretence, a world where man will acknowledge responsibility for the things that he's done, or the consequences thereof, just as eagerly as he lays claim to the credit, recognition or respect that he believes he deserves.

Imagine a world where opinions formed about others will not be on account of race, family, creed, breed or kind, but knowledge of the facts. Then imagine that you're not just imagining and that these things aren't just theoretical constructs. Very elating, right? And the good news is, if you can form it in the mind, it could be made real. It will only require true feelings and hearts that are not like those low priced everyday goods from somewhere in Asia.

Be patient...

It may be easier said than done, but nothing is more responsive to tests from God and to a time full of peril than sabr (patience) and acceptance, and to always correlate the consequences of your troubles to the moral of the coming of night, that:

1 -  without the night, no star will be visible, and

2 - no matter what, darkness will go away and brighter days will return.

I believe it is a mark of the faithful to have this to hope for. A wise man once said that "until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words: 'Wait and Hope'." I will add to that and say do what you reasonably can, wait, and hope.

There's a life outside of Facebook...

Most of us spend a good part of our waking life on Facebook, reacting to notifications, checking what's going on, connecting dots to see who's talking about us, and dealing with those who come on there to just get on nerves. But when you refresh your browser to see wa guan round there, and you want to get sick of the straight up 'bee ess' you see, take a moment to listen to that awakened state of your consciousness, and be reminded that you still have a life out there.

See, with a global population of 7.4 Billion and Facebook currently sitting at 1.59 Billion monthly active users, it is obvious that Facebook is not everything and not everything on Facebook is everything. In fact, what you see on there may be all you know to be happening, but not the only school of thought worthy of being subscribed to, and certainly not all what is going on around the world. There is a whole noda undoctored life outside of Facebook, and a whole lot of things that sensible people don't see the need to put on there, lest they blow their covers.

I love success...

My best part of the football season is the off-season, when all the armchair quarterbacking is put to rest, league champions crowned, losers consoled, and the athletes are holidaying like award winning rappers, and participating in give back enterprises like Didier Drogba; when our resorts are stormed with successful athletes and half-naked ladies, eating the fruits of their hardwork like 'nyor ko teye!' God knows I love success!

If you want it, act like it...

If you say something is not worth your dime and time, or you act like you don't give a tinker's damn about it, but you find yourself secretly wanting it, and letting your mind dwell on it that much, then the thing is nothing short of everything you ever wanted.

You're only deceiving yourself, probably because the bar is too high. But if you ask me, living in an age where the underdog is only a step away from being a top dog, you only need to check the strength of your will to fight to get what you want, and to keep it, because keeping it is some next level hustle too.

Just help, Fisabilillah (for the sake of Allah)

Some of us cannot initiate anything, not even to our own advantage. We are like my pot of a car that is always in need of a push start. So we must be pushed to a speed at which we can make the engine rotate and fire as soon as the clutch is released.

But like I have always maintained, if you're the one doing the pushing, make sure you're pushing 'Fisabilillah' (for the sake of Allah), because you may not even get a horn or a wave or thumb pointing up in appreciation, let alone a lift in return

Rocords..

So I was on the basketball court the other day and perhaps because of my fairly long physique, this kid asked if I play ball. I was like, yeah sun, 'Slam Dunk Champ' a few times. He was like, really! you got any tapes? I said nah kid! And he didn't say it but by the lack of fire on his face, he was deep down saying: "kotto bi mo muna dool." (This bruh's lying). But thank God we played a couple of half court matches and I showed him what I got, and why they call me Mike.

On a serious note, this is not uncommon to many of our old school athletes. They cannot be lauded or appreciated by the new school because there is no evidence, no footage, or story of the amazing things they used to do - and if you ask me, the reason why legends are nostalgically remembered in other parts of the world is not because they were the greatest to ever live, but because their stories are told to outlive their careers. Maybe we should also start something like that.

Enjoy and don't mimic everything...

When a certain show or game featuring people doing insane stunts is construed as dangerous or requiring arcane knowledge, it comes with a mandatory disclaimer saying: "Don't try this at home." I say this whenever I am dunking over bikes and stuff, knowing that my elevation off the ground is higher than those kids' that may want to try it at home.

Same way, I think romantic movies like: Two Can Play That Game, Think Like a Man, etc. should also come with a disclaimer saying: "Don't try this in your relationships; this shit's scripted." That way, guys will not go on Chris Brown-ing their ladies, or ladies acting all Meagan Good or Gabrielle Union-ing on their men, and only to end up sorry.

A free ride comes to those who wave...

Good things they say come to those who wait, but a free ride during a peak hour comes to those who wave. You cannot be looking for a lift home and you stand there like you're waiting for your private chauffeur; you know, expecting a certain private car driver to spot you, stop, reverse to where you are, and ask if you are going his or her way.

Can't you see looking for a lift in lieu of waiting on the road for long is not a question of you not having fares, people know that. So get off the smug behaviour and wave if you see someone going your way. Or will you rather the person passes over so you can accuse him or her of being unaccommodating, because I have seen a lot of that here; people looking for faults to find in good people.

Today's beefs...

When boys were boys, if you have a beef with another, lord help you if you don't squash it before word gets out to the older bros. Then the only remedy is to ask the parties to a fist fight, and the rule was, fight until the one whose ass is beat up backs down. I never liked the savagery, but I just couldn't help it.

Then Zuckerberg, Dorsey, Evan Williams, Stone, Glass and Co. came and made life easier. Now when boys have a beef, or anytime shit doesn't go their way, they come on here to 'yornay galgal' (send punches and leglocks via keyboards), 'kaybehtou' (whine) like Shinaynay, and get on each other's nerves ... like, who the hell pissed these emotionally distraught children off! No wonder the females are also hijacking masculine tendencies.

The strength in unity...

The other day, I saw this wildlife video of a lion trying to prey on a group of wilderbeests, and then they just turned around and started chasing him back, like: Oh no, not today, we refuse to be seized for food, and when the lion saw that they meant business, he started running for cover like: Oh shit, shit... I was really in a state that day but couldn't stop laughing my ass out.

But then that part of me that overthinks everything found the video very deep, in the sense that I think it dipicts the argument that the foundation of liberty is unity, and present in that undivided entity of wilderbeests were two things: 'sincerity and trust.' Each animal was genuinely regardful of the others, leading to a greater sense of trust that each will have the others' backs. But of course the wilderbeests are naturally altruistic.

Moral Crisis

In any competitive game, every player starts off with the potential to a win, a lose or a draw, but in a blame game, everyone loses. So, if you must play it, don't look forward to having your arms raised in victory.

In fact, self-righteous hypocrisy is what the blame game will lead to - i.e, everyone pointing out the faults of others, but getting so upset and defensive when their own faults are pointed out.

Criticism...

There is constructive criticism and there is tacit envy. Let us not confuse the two. The former is when you criticise to improve the outcome of a process, or a piece of work, by offering valid and well-reasoned opinions, sometimes positive and other times negative, but even if negative, it is done in a friendly manner.

Envy motivated criticism is aimed at finding faults to criticise. So if there are no faults to criticise, the envious will create faults to criticise, and this is what's common round here. The only time you hear folks talk about someone or what someone does is when they have found a failing. No matter how unimportant it is, they will turn it into a major deal, but your successes will never be said.

Selah!

“I was raised to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO.” - isn't that good manners?

You don't have to be a super intellectual human being to know that for courtesy to be afforded, it has to be mutually given. In other words, if you can be very nice to the boss or your rich friends, but so rude and condescending to the cleaner and the rank and file, you are not a nice person.

Except for the slavish flatterer who believes in nothing but his benefits, how you treat the seemingly unimportant person today is how he will treat you tomorrow, and my friend, just like my mood, things keep changing, and what a backside when you need the favours of an underdog that has become the top dog.

Word!

Don't let your pursuit of favours and convenience be so delusive as to be acquired at the price of sacrificing someone else's state of health, happiness and/or prosperity, because you'll be scarring your conscience forever.

Human stupidity...

Human stupidity is like the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). You cannot tell by looking, and that's a good thing because if you're a pillar of stupidity and you know it, just don't get yourself tested.

But if you must know your status, talk because everyone is talking and be perpetually trademarked; remain in your cool and you will not risk degenerating your immune system.The choice is yours.

Guidance is Allah's.

Just because you think your ibadah (service to Allah) is pretty tight doesn't mean you're morally safe to go about passing judgement on others, especially when you have been there, done all that - so always remember three:

1 - Guidance is Allah's.
2 - Iblīs (the Shayṭān) was once an Angel (so I was told), and
3 - There's many a slip between the cup and lip.

Remember that the Shayṭān wouldn't seek to temp or deviate those who who've already gone out of the way. What he says to those is: "C'mon shawties, go do some shit, yo. Let me go cause the rest to take a U-turn towards y'all." If you inflate your ego, you'll be just the way he wants it.

When you want to change a man...

Granted, everything is changeable in a man except his heartbeat, but at some point, you must learn to stop trying to change people just like that. Best thing is to change your reaction or response towards them, knowing that it is easier to change the way you deal with a man than to change a man.

For instance, if someone talks trash to you because he takes pleasure in annoying you, avoid him. If he is not your intellectual equal, or not as civic-minded as you're, avoid certain topics with him. But if you must talk to him, learn to change the subject when the conversation is getting uncomfortable - and with tact, he may come around and see things your way.

For my part and for the most part, the general makeup of the company I keep informs my mood, and so far, I think I have done a fairly good job in maintaining my street as well as intellectual credibility, and I will tell you how:

When I am in the hood and girls are what we are talking about, I talk female anatomy. If football is what it is, I try to change the subject to music or basketball being my areas of interest, but if I can't, I listen or put my earpiece on. If I am in the midst of the brothers from the Markass, we talk Sunnah. Don't judge yet, I am not a flip-flopper, I only adapt. And of course the ability to rapidly adapt to varying conditions is a very common human attribute.