Communication

There’s a fine line between being a good communicator and being a complete jerk at it…If you ask me, that thin line is not in your way with words, but in your tone of voice or manner of speaking if you like.

Let me give an example; like someone calls you to come and have lunch: “kai Anj!” and you respond by saying “Surr na!” or alternatively “SURR NA!” (I typed with capitals to imply a yelling tone), it is the same ‘Surr na’ (I’m full), but whilst the former tend to generate greater overstanding, the latter is harsh, aggressive and somewhat rude.

See, even if a situation freaks you out, speaking with calm and composure can help you to take control. You don’t have to be loud in order to be heard or to hide your insecurity, and yelling doesn’t make you fearless either. In fact, you talk like that to me I’ll switch you off, because you ain’t paying me to listen to you.

I tell folks that when I grow up, I want to be as eloquent and reasoned as Papa Jobe. He is husband to my mom’s friend. When this man is talking, you cannot but listen, and is not like he’s feared or because he’s part Senegalese and naturally eloquent, but because he’s collected and can conquer his emotions when talking.

So when you’re talking to people, try and do it the Papa Jobe style and see the approving outcome, it will take you places

Sapiosexual

Perhaps I am not conventionally masculine, but in my honest opinion, if you think a clever woman is intimidating, try an awkwardly stupid woman, an underfed brain if you like - one that is without a grain of ability to think rationally, and to sensibly overstand anything; one that cannot sustain an inspiring conversation, but that’s because she wouldn't be able to defend her stance.

One that is so clueless, so intrusive and ‘fass-faraaw’, especially in relation to other peoples' businesses, one that’ll incoherently talk about issues that she knows she’s in the dark about and still expecting you to partake, and no amount of gesture can make her overstand how pissed off you’re.

You take her out and she chances upon a long lost friend, particularly a similar loud-arse friend - Oh boy! You’re screwed, because they’ll both be yelling out curse words at each other, or go on an outburst of some long-lost mumbo jumbo, whilst spanking each other’s buttocks like untamed chimpanzees…and ‘ndeysan’ poor you will stand there, smiling against your will.

Personally, I find the brain very attractive. I feel my partner and I should be able to excite not just each other’s eyesight but our minds as well. I am a Sapiosexual kind of man and I thank God that progress has been satisfactory up to now.

Talent

You’re only just able to smell the perfume you’re wearing or your unpleasant body smell, but as you would expect, that degree of smell is usually different from the actual smell that other people catch whiff of.

Same way, people who’re gifted may not be as conscious of their talents as other people will expect. It is the beholders that are mostly wowed by what these people can do without much effort and how they could or should pursue that uncommon gift.

Now since the talented one is already exposed to his gift, his mind gets accustomed to it, and it doesn't become anything special to him, naturally ejecting any feeling of outstanding ability, because he’ll now be inclined to feel that he’s only doing what anyone can do.

If you ask me, the person is happier unsung than overly praised, because the latter may inflate his opinion of himself, and may set overconfidence in motion. Don’t get me wrong, confidence is a good thing. Being "excessively" confident is what I am talking about. It can be a catalyst for foolish adventures.  

Encouragement...

Someone said: “We live by encouragement and die without it…slowly, sadly, and angrily” and I believe.

Life is not always a fair fight, and success doesn't come to everyone on a silver platter. So when someone is trying to achieve something on his own, even if you have your doubts or cannot wish him well, please do not try to dissuade, dispirit or deter him from trying. Carelessly psyching someone out or putting a damper on someone’s resolve is evil.

Here unfortunately, so many people have had their dreams killed not because they lacked the quality required, but because they were mocked out of their dreams. Apparently the only people we're good at cheering are the nonstarters and idiots. I guess because we enjoy laughing at their ridiculous situations.

If your hustle is legit, it wouldn't be unusual to hear remarks like: “Hehe! He is our local 'so-and-so'” or “he thinks he’s got what it takes to be 'so-and-so'” - but I think that's just ignorance, because those ‘so-and-so” people that we take to be extra special also came from some origin, and against all odds, broke out of that social position, climbed up the social ladder to create that  'so-and-so' identity for themselves. So why is it impossible for someone else?

I think it's about damn time we break off from the needless distrust, from always viewing the glass half empty and start looking at the bright side of situations – you know, make our part of the world dream friendly, it will take us far.

Before I finish, if you trust your aptitude, keep going, and write off all the detractors and doubters – but if you know you're nothing and can never be anything at what you want to be, then do yourself a favour and quit or dream again, because even if folks should convene every blessed Friday to recite 40 ‘Surat Ya-Sin’ on your behalf, you’ll still fuckup.

Before imperfect people, we were perfect people!

Given the imperfection of man, his lapses and the promised punishment that awaits those lapses, I’m sometimes tempted to ask why a perfect Creator would create such an imperfection, only to penalise him for what could’ve been prevented. 

It would’ve been an easy resolve if we were ordinary inventions. We would’ve declared some of us ‘defective goods’- either not just fit for our intended purposes or inadequate in needed information or instructions, in order that we may be entitled to a replacement or repair. Commercial students that are familiar with the ‘Sale of Goods Act’ should overstand what I am talking about.

However, when this kind of thoughts hit, I don’t just yell ‘Astafirullah’ and stop there. I do some analogical thinking to agree with my faith in the original perfection of creation, and mostly I take the computer to draw nearest parallel. I believe we were perfect when God first created us, and our brains and hearts like the computer CPU were as pure as the driven snow, but with the means or freewill to be as bad as anything could be.

I believe that from birth, we were untouched computer hardware. Just that some may be catalogued as supercomputers, some minicomputers and some personal and very convenient computers, but still by way of “freewill”, each and every one of us is created with the capacity to select and run any software package or programme, depending on our individual tastes and requirements.

In the case of man, the act of installing and using these programmes and software are contained in divinely revealed sacred texts, just as computer users are given user’s guides or manuals to give them assistance in using a particular computer system; and even during installation or use, we’re prompted that some programmes once done cannot be undone, while some can, and perhaps that also explains the different sins and degree of forgiveness.

For the computer, whatever you install is what’s operated on by the system processor. Similarly, things that we have seen, are being told or pressured into, and those that we freely dig up by ourselves become the things that command our doings. Sometimes and due to the hardware disparity I mentioned above, there are humans who have the capacity to influence the character, development and behaviour of other humans.

Such influences are supposedly motivated by the devil and they include hypocrites, sycophants, liars, thieves, cheats, and so forth.  In computer science they are called viruses. They are malware programmes that when executed, will replicate and insert copies or modified copies into other computer programmes, corrupting data files or the boot sector of the hard drive. When this replication succeeds, the affected areas are then said to be "infected".

However, computers have software designed to detect and destroy these viruses. In the case of humans, the scripture is what guides us aright and of course the Will of God is what protects us from such people, which ‘Will’ also makes our journey to the straight path easy.

When we get stuck with our computers, we consult specialists, folks who’ve got relevant skills in computer science, information systems and software engineering to help in the maintenance of our IT equipment. Same way, humans also have spiritual, legal and psychological experts who are knowledgeable enough to advise and give rulings on matters, some will look to their parents and other respectable folks for inspiration and guidance.

I could’ve cut a long story short and save y’all the long read by simply saying that before imperfect people, we were perfect people...but then, even though it is 2015, not every computer is digital yet, some are still stuck in the analogue era and have to be fed with immense physical quantity :-P

United Nations

My internet adventure took me to the un.org, and to a window called “United Nations Observances.” There I found “information and links to international days”- Is like every day is a UN day, January through December, as if that’s what they were created for. Soon they’ll run out of days to observe, no jokes!  

I think UN is like the police in horror movies, always not on time. They’ll sit and wait for individual states to get their act together, and when the house is in order, they’ll touchdown to mourn the victims, praise some hero about it, and perhaps dedicate a day in honour of what happen, or help reconstruct the place by giving fat contracts to their inner circle of experts. What a way to promote equality

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to say that come September 2015, at the 70th General Assembly, instead of resolving to find the root cause of all the horror going on in this world and to hold all connected nutcases accountable, they’ll perhaps pass ‘Resolution 70’, Agenda Number ‘Nangam’, declaring that day so-and-so be observed as international so-and-so day against/for so and so – and that’s it.[shaking my head]

For my part, I am happier with Chronixx chanting down Babylon than Ban Ki-moon and his supporting cast gratifying the devil.

Belief and Obsession..

There is a thin line between belief and obsession. “Belief” is a conviction and “obsession” is a compulsion – the two may appear to be twins, but they’re just cousins - and for ease of overstanding, let’s assume that conviction is the decorous cousin and compulsion is the ‘ranchang’ (wayward) – and their relationship is not unlike what’s between ‘nobbanteh’ and ‘hemem’ (love and lust)

Since conviction is derived from careful thought and normally a choice, it is expected to be carried out at moderate pace. Compulsion on the other hand is an urge and naturally irresistible, and when something is irresistible, it can deceive someone to behave in very immoderate ways. So if you think you’re a believer, finding a balance between the two is very important, otherwise you may unwittingly end up with a terrible coalition - call it a ‘compulsive-conviction’, which may not only be deceptive, but also destructive.

Take a look at the state of the world, the extent of ego-serving fuckery going on in the name of “belief”, and tell me if it is not reasonable to hold that none of the fuckeries are motivated by justifiable convictions. They’re all stirred by pathetic compulsions - from racially prejudiced supremacists, Muslims extremists, radical Christians to pointless militia groups, all of them. They’re all nutcases suffering from ACUTE ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorders’ (OCDs).

Sometimes I wish they could all be rounded up and banished to where Space Aliens come from – let them go and terrorise outer space. So that humankind will start to live with the highest possible state of consciousness, awareness and togetherness.

'Jiital Bott!'

Once upon a time, there was this ‘Young Koto’ that used to spend time at my spot, around ’04/05 when young ladies started making use of low-rise jeans to heartlessly expose a bit of butt cheeks.  So this guy, when he sees hot girls coming, he’ll wittingly focus on the opposite direction, as if he’s looking away because he’s disgusted by what’s coming.

But his facade was very funny because all the boys knew his trick. We knew he was physiologically weak, especially when he sees ass. So he sends his gaze in advance, thinking that keenly fixing his eyes on the ass wouldn’t get noticed, because we’ll probably say it’s the girl that got in the way of his sight...When he does it, my boys and I will whisper to each other:"Shhh! Saai Jiital Na Bott’

But with him, it was easy to tell when a certain attraction became a distraction to his concentration. Just spontaneously ask him something and enjoy him stumbling over his words. I never blamed him though – I know shit's a tease sometimes! That’s why I always prayer that if I cannot be afforded restraint from looking, then may I not be given cause to look. 

And if truth be told, I mean without hypocrisy, if religion hadn’t demanded that outer manifestation of modesty must be obeyed and observed, tell me (brothers), will you still dislike the maxi skirt? How about wearing nothing but a t-shirt? What of the mini skirt, the “Peek-A-Boo” especially? Skinny pants, especially the ones with the button just below the navel? What about metallic leggings, will you still say they’re disgusting? 

Don't lie, God's watching!

Clichéd nonsense...

In case you’re used to getting upset when folks say you’re acting White, like “denga def sa bopa toubab,” I am saying rejoice in the compliment, because that’s what it is - an indication of your refined taste and manners, and that you’ve evidently outgrown the ‘taransor-tanka’ state of mind.

In fact, I have observed that people that are branded “toubabay” are usually fully awake, time-conscious, open-minded, not nosy, not comfortable with bare minimum achievements, they can't stand self-deceiving optimism, they hate to be lied to, they keep to their words, they hate unreliable promises and are not economical with common courtesies like “thank you”, “please”, “I’m sorry”, “excuse me”, and so on.

They can make a distinction between hilarity and stupidity, and between time for business and time for pleasure. They dislike it when certain people blow both hot and cold on ideas, like one minute they’re either for the idea or undecided, and the next minute they’re totally against it, which erratic perspective is mostly influenced by the opinion of the people they put on a pedestal.

To strengthen my point, I am sure y’all have also observed that whenever one is found deficient in any of the above , what folks usually say is: “yowe dor Toubab”, like you’re not White. Now I am thinking, is it a question of self denigration, or is ‘Toubab’ the standard by which refinement or sophistication is measured, or is it just clichéd nonsense, eh?

Don't quit because of people.

That which sustained the Billy goat until it is able to grow beards is sufficient enough to continue to sustain it until death. In a sense, this job that you sometimes hate and want to walk out of was at least able to take care of your needs until now. It may not be good enough, but the ‘Sutura’ it affords is all what matters.

In fact, sometimes it’s not the job, but pointless rivalries therein, and normally fueled by colleagues who’re careless of the feelings of everyone but themselves. When they try to be like others but cannot seem to get past ‘take off’, they become resentful. Pay no attention to them; don’t fight, compete or compare yourself to anyone, it’s a workplace and not a combat zone.

In fact, no matter how awful you think your workplace encounters are, if someone else should tell you about his, I swear down you’ll wipe yours clean and weep for him. However, there is always going to be at least one positive aspect to every situation you’re in, one that you can shift your focus to. Do that and discount the nonsense going on around you, pull your energy together and work harder, knowing that there is no unending situation

- ‘Poop Lum Guda-Guda Dorg’-

I know this is much easier said than done, and like seriously, I personally get my moments of fatigue, but still, the above seems to be the only remaining option. Quitting invariably is only going to make you a musical chair contestant, because it’s the same ‘crab mentality’ everywhere. No matter where you go, jealousy and rivalry are bound to follow. Orators have talked, preachers have preached, but I think these two are here to stay unfortunately.

POSTSCRIPT - Crab mentality, according to wikipedia.org “sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, is a phrase that describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." – Very terrible mentality.

‘Yalna Nyu Si YaAllah Mussal’

Local Talents

Listen! You have no right to castigate your local talents or undermine the confidence of anyone who thinks he’s got talent. You have to overstand that supporting oneself is not an easy thing, especially for someone coming from humble origins. So if you cannot be of any support, just appreciate their significance in society and don’t joke with their resolve, it can be all what they need to carry on.

In fact, the best thing to do is to ask yourself if you've even ever attempted to buy their work - Have you ever attended their performances, and not as one that’ll capitalise on his closeness with the artist to enter for free, but to pay just like every decent patron? Did it ever occur to you that they need your moral push, your love, respect and acknowledgment where necessary? If your answers aren't affirmative then let them be.

By the same token, while it is undoubtedly honourable to support local talents, no artist has the right to unreasonably intimidate anyone into supporting something just because it is “theirs”, and especially not if what you call your talent is not unlike an audition for Idiot’s Got Talent. Overstand that art is a thing of the soul, and the soul cannot love or like anything against the will of the will. PEACE! 

Be like the Ninkinanko!

Ningkinanko is the Mandinka word for Dragon. Some people say it’s imaginary, others have argued that it is real and that it is a huge fire-breathing reptile that symbolises evil and disorder, but to others it is a symbol of fruitfulness. However, the reason why it is perhaps one of the most feared reptiles and still shrouded in mystery is because of its privacy. Even if it is real, it has given space to itself and that’s a wonderful disposition. No one will be too familiar with it – ‘Mungi Xam Lim Xam Teh Jaapa Jambouram’ 

Now that scandal’s become humankind’s favourite, having the Ningkinanko’s attribute of confidentiality is the way to go, because the more your thing becomes  common or you become ‘Siiw’, the more people will get used to you, and the more they get used to you, the more you’re likely to let them in on your business, and the more you do that, the more they’ll start to tell stories about you, and the more they do that, they more other people will start looking down on you.

And do you know what will happen when folks start to look down their nose at you? They’ll pretend to have enough of everything you’re, and the more they do that, the weaker your sense of worth, and if they succeed in weakening your self-worth, even those who were once devoted to you will start to disrespect you – ‘Su Borba Hebateh Ak Yabateh Am Si Yorn’

Then you become troubled and depressed to the extent that if Kololi is where you live, you’ll start hating the setting and thinking of relocating to Wuli Foday Kunda, but that wouldn't change a thing if you’re not willing to change your ways. Now what you should do to start looking up again may not be my business, but maybe sharing the following quotes will inspire you the way they had inspired me:

Someone said: “all human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.” So I guess you have to be able to tell between what goes out, what stays in and what must never be told - Another person said: “solitude sometimes is best society,” and someone also said: “if you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve,” but for my part, I am saying if you give everyone a carte blanche to your diary, then you’ll also deserve what you get.

Some time ago, I posted on here that if you have a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Pinterest profile, and you gladly volunteer every information about you thereon, or start asking folks to ‘Add’, ‘Follow’ or ‘Pin’ you, then if shit happens, you cannot accuse people for poking their nose into that thing that you've already made public.

As a final point, and for the record, I am not trying to instigate unfriendliness, I believe you don’t have to be alone to be left alone. Believe safeguard of your privacy depends on what about you that you’re willing to share, not how detached you’re. I have to make that clear, otherwise some folks may read this piece differently and the next minute they start giving everyone a cold shoulder – Man Wahuma Ken Mu Tongo Ken Deh, Purr Mu Lerr! 

Try to please yourself first, everyone else is secondary!

Omar was a genuinely nice person, but his niceness got taken advantage of. So he decided to become a badass, but then again he became hated. He kept forcing himself to please everyone, but regardless of what he does, there is always a displeased person. In the end it felt like the more he wanted to satisfy people, the more his genuineness weakens. He became spineless, repressed his own needs, opinions and desires against his will, just to go well with everyone.

It became an awkward feeling, and so depressing. He cannot even freely give vent to his frustration about things and people without hesitation. In the end he got sick of the role-play, so he said to himself “you know what, to hell with this, I can’t keep being a people pleaser.”

He borrowed some guts, and decided to change direction from ‘Vulnerable Avenue’, through ‘Hope Street’ going towards ‘Confidence Boulevard’, and just at the ‘Personality Roundabout’ he chanced upon his boy ‘Esteem’. He asked where he was going and ‘Esteem’ said to ‘Liberty Drive’ – He said “let’s ride bro, that’s my destination too.” Apparently both of them were going to find their long lost buddy ‘Free-will’.

From ‘Liberty Drive’ he sent an email to his former friend “Desperate", and it was as follows: “Hi Des! I have never seen a place as nice and uplifting as ‘Liberty Drive’- so many genuinely cool and open-minded people, good life, no restraint at all. Here, I can act, speak and think as I want – Oh boy! ‘Ndekeh Kudul Tukki Du Xam Fu Deka Nayhay’ - now I know I can’t please everyone, but isn't that feeling just wonderful...ttyl...LOL” – Email concludes.

Omar is right. Sometimes you have to be willing to take a trip in order to be aware of the comfort that exists elsewhere.  Apparently, that change of direction made him a changed man. It rehabilitated him into this sweet lanky weirdo that he is today. He became too wonderful for words, no longer stereotypical and not responsive to small-minded judgements. That’s it! You must ultimately be there for yourself, because no one else will. 

I guess divine intervention is what I need.

Hearing the beautiful recitation from the Masjid this Fajr gave me gooseflesh. I reached out for my Noble Quran with English translation and commentary, one that I had  from I don’t know when, but up to the present moment I cannot commit to memory anything further than the shorter verses of ‘juzʾ amma’.

I know I cannot read Arabic but that’s no excuse. Perhaps I am not alone, but that too is no excuse, because not being a part of "not being alone" was not unachievable. But what else should I expect, having spent my early years invariably skipping ‘Dara’ to go and play ‘Four-Corners’, but perhaps not taking that second chance offered by the brothers from Markass was my greatest blunder - now most of my homeboys are so versed,

Maybe I was stupid, but then how come I am on familiar terms with almost everything in the General Orders, Procurement Regulations, Financial  Instructions, Foreign Service Regulations and all those instruments I used to draw on when doing Audits. Perhaps it is sheer disinterest - Now I am worried about me.

See, there is this Wolof proverb that says: “Magum Lendem, Kuko Gisul’it Mu Gis Bopam”. Meaning a grown-up that only acts in the dark should be able to see himself even if others do not see him.  Very true! I guess it’s a matter of conscience. And looking at this Noble Quran right now, that’s exactly what’s going on with me, self rebuke and to my shame

Now look at the paradoxical nature of affairs - Imperfect beings said they need to do something to inculcate order and to curb irregularities. So they decided they’ll establish principles and standards of conduct, according to which their ways shall be regulated.

Collectively agreed, write-ups were solicited from specialists in various subjects, individual pieces collated into Green Paper, validated and adopted as “laws”, “statutes”, “acts”, “constitutions”, etc – beautiful names. Now anyone who doesn't measure up to these standards or expectations is reprimanded, penalised or even locked up; and even if a particular rule is subsequently deemed unjust, it still holds authority until it is repealed.

Now how about the divine rules contained in the sacred book, the central religious text, the revelation from God, the moral law, the law of God, the rules that are supposed to be observed more strictly than any other rule, the consequence of disobedience of which goes so far as everlasting anguish, rules that will never be reviewed, amended or repealed until the end of the world, the book that will serve as the standard by which our salvation or otherwise is determined?

May Allah forgive our transgressions, both intentional and unintentional, and make us a people who’ll not lose their way to the path of righteousness. 

“Kanala Mo La Bi”

LISTEN! I am not saying be bearers of each other’s burdens, because that may be easier said than done, but if you cannot speak your honest opinion or give advice to someone ahead of a certain burden or mess, then don’t say anything when the damage is already done, because then your opinion, guidance or whatever must have gone stale, and invoking an issue that’s out of date is not unlike mockery.

It is sensibly held that a friend that says “I told you” is better than the one that will rather say “I knew this will come to pass” – [Xariti “Waxon Nako” Mo Geun Xariti “Xamon Nako”]

The “I told you” kind of friend may not be very well-liked because of his frankness, but at least he’s likely to give timely opinion, inform you, or give you a hint on imminent matters that you’re perhaps not fully awake to, and of probable troubles and setbacks mostly.

In contrast, the “I knew this will come to pass” type of friend may appear to be friendlier, but that’s just a facade, they can be aware of issues that are about to affect you, or even schemes against you, but will prefer to say nothing until shit happens to you.

‪If you ask me, if you have a friend who kisses arse, butters up and overly compliments EVERYTHING you do, say or put on, as if you’re the perfect human being, then my friend be guarded...“E’bay Wulia Fola Ko Talibeh Yantangho” – I got that from Fafadi Kéléfa's “Kanala Mo La Bi” 

Expensively economical!

Penny wise and pound foolish is what happens when you have an occasion and you prefer to trade the services of contract caterers and chefs for volunteers from your locality. You'll get your work done at no cost, why not? At least that’s the claim, but whether that free is really free is what I doubt, since nothing you make available is ever enough.

HEAR THE CHORUS ON REPLAY: “Yorkal Tuti - Lee Du Doye - Hey!! Bahna, Hamna Lima Wax - Sa Mboki Banjul Yi Forg Nyu Ouyou Si La”

And before you know it, a piece of everything you made available is couriered, of course including beef and poultry, and no scope of careful watch can stop that. As long as those black shopping bags and empty mayonnaise buckets are within spitting distance, brace your purse for a hemorrhage.

Once upon a time, my colleague hired three male chefs for her ‘Ngaynteh’ and when they were done, the food was not only more than enough and appetising, but these guys collected their pay and gave back everything they didn’t use (from onions, black and red pepper, mustard, tomato paste, jumbo etc).

Can you imagine, they used less than 20 cubes of jumbo to cook for a contingent of starving people – now tell me, how many of you have had ceremonies and got your surpluses back?

Rewind to a couple of weeks back - I gave this lady a ride. I thought she needed help with her heavily built sack. After a few chats, it appears she was coming from a wedding and the sack was containing a little bit of everything. I was like, if she got all these from where she’s coming from, I wonder if she left anything behind, because what she had was more than enough supply for a battalion - no exaggeration!

I am not trying to interfere with anybody’s hustle - fair-weather assistance is what I just can't stand. It is not unlike extortion.

Perception and actuality!

Not having the desired audience or liking for what you’re doing doesn’t mean you’re not up to it, and it is not because it is ‘you’. Folks are naturally very bad in bringing about fineness, but always raring to associate themselves with someone else's self-made eminence.

If you’re famous, I mean even without any marked ability, but only famous for being famous, everything you do is acceptable. Even if nonsense is what you post on social media, it will in a jiffy accrue twenty-ten hundred ‘Likes’, but that doesn’t mean you’re the ideal human. People are naturally greatly impressed by famous people, and connecting with such people kind of gives a feeling of connection. Nonetheless, you cannot call anyone a hater for refusing to join that star-struck bandwagon.

Speaking at every single talking occasion doesn’t make you an analyst. Sometimes people don’t say it, but you’re only yapping about crap that makes no sense, practically the same as a chatterbox – and just because others choose to be silent doesn’t mean they’re empty. Sometimes when talk is cheap, cheaper talkers are left to do the talking.  

Having a tongue as sharp as that of a jungle babbler doesn’t translate to a profound mind, and just because people seem to be listening to you doesn’t mean they’re paying attention. Sometimes silence is a sign of disinterest, or a way to curb nag-induced migraine - you know, a nicer way of saying "Ssshhh! No one gives a fuck."

Noticing that someone is always online on social media doesn’t mean they are always wasting valuable time idling on the internet. See, as luck would have it, some people do not have to go to the internet café to get connected. They’ve it readily available, even if out of action.

Seeing you weeping at every funeral does not essentially mean you’re heartbroken, and just because others are empty of tears to contribute doesn’t make them unsympathetic. We have seen crocodile tears and grieves that will expire the moment one leaves the sight of the bereaved family.

Gracing every wedding, naming or whatever ceremony with your presence, even if uninvited, doesn’t mean you’re sociable, because you may be motivated by the food on the house or just for the hell of it - and just because others have to catch up on events due to inescapable busy schedules doesn’t mean they’re antisocial.

I have plenty things to talk about and I can write nineteen to the dozen, but this is already a long piece, and I am not going to apologise if I have offended anyone. I know there is going to be somebody out there who’s going to be offended, thinking I am throwing shade, but that’s natural and it’s none of my business.

Restraint!

One skill that is common to all human beings is survival; and naturally when someone needs to survive, he is capable of doing anything. So technically, human beings must be regarded with suspicion because they’re capable of doing anything to survive.

However, what makes some humans more human than others is the ability to exercise patience, even in the course of dire times - because patience like common sense is also not so common. In fact I want to believe that’s the reason why it is one of the best and most valuable virtues in the eyes of God. Patience is ordinarily taken to mean ‘lack of complaint’, but it goes further than that. It is tantamount to restraint, moderation, stamina, tolerance, safeguard, forbearance, fortitude, tact, determination, and so on.

Where there is no patience, self-control is defeated and people will have recourse to do anything to get what they want – For instance, the thief may argue that he steals for a living because life itself is not a fair fight. All right, but his decision to dirty his hands in compensation for what he considers unfair will then become an act of selfishness, because it is avoidable. That is to say, his decision to steal is not attributable to his condition, because someone out there may be a lot more disfavoured, but chooses to exercise decency in not falling back on taking what is not his.

This applies to the extra mile that some of us are willing to go when it comes to nourishing our desires,  like getting a new job or promotion, travelling overseas, getting a ‘toubab’ spouse, becoming famous, securing a vacation or business trip from a wealthy ‘mungu’ etc.- I am not judging!  It’s just that I am not a fan of achieving things by any means necessary, and especially not when the means considered necessary can turn out to be an inconvenience to someone else.

Stephen Covey said that “our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions” and he is right. No life is ever perfect. In everybody's life, whether one speaks it out or not, there's a certain problem, urge or craving that you’re trying to tidy-up, but it’s up to you to either remain committed to the fact that no condition is permanent, or go head-on and do just anything, despite the consequences. 

This observation may be dead wrong, but that’s how I see it – that in times of adversity, people that are without self-control take it to be a ‘kill or be killed situation’, so they end up caring less about the possible consequences of the actions they employ to appease their conditions. The patient ones on the other hand will more than likely be inclined to believe that with time, something beneficial may be born out of their adversities.

If you ask me, no matter how painfully desirous you’re, or regardless of your desire to belong, if you have a choice, always go for the most considerate means of access to what you want. It will take you far, and you wouldn't worry about anything haunting your conscience thereafter – Selah!

Valentine’s Day - Ground Rule!

For those of you that observed ‘Anti-Valentine's Day’ on February 13th, your reminders and lectures about the essence of Valentine's Day are all noted. They are well intentioned and honourable, but at the end of the day, the natural expectation from folks is either to hear and obey or disobey - but then y’all have done what is expected of you.

Now you can loosen up, take a chill pill and allow ‘pro-Valentine's Day’ celebrants to celebrate love, because in the end, whether it is love or lust that is in the air is none of your business, but if not played safe and within the rules of the game, shit (Dorhoti Gaylem) will come to light and mostly not beyond November, nine months later that is - and if anyone wants to pester you with their mess, tell them it's still none of your business.

And those of you celebrating the day should also try not to make lonely people extremely depressed by broadcasting everything on social media, but if you must, don't be selective, let it be a comprehensive broadcast, to include every crushing anguish or emotional distress that some of y’all will unsurprisingly stumble upon.

Still in the name of tolerance, come February 15th, allow others to also observe their ‘Valentine’s Day Postmortem’ - you know, give recount of who was dressed in what - who went out with who, leaving who behind - who ditched who - who was screwed and ditched by who - whose best friend knifed who, and all that.

“All the world’s a stage..."

In "As You Like It", William Shakespeare said: “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts...”

If that line’s anything to go by, then ours has evidently become a ‘drama series’ that God perhaps looks at and laugh - A series that is sometimes action packed, but other times just sheer drama. Sometimes it’s a comedy even in the midst of agony, and other times, especially in February, it is a romantic comedy. Sad but there are others whose roles were horror stricken from the day they were born.

Notwithstanding the urge to play a part in any of these roles, and of course including the thrillers and science fictions, you must endeavour to be a good non-fictional actor.

Let me say a little about the group of actors or players - some are directors of their own scripts, but some cannot make a start without being directed. Some will pretend to be actors, when they're not even attentive audiences. Some will write their own scripts, others will bank on scriptwriters. Some will neither write nor be written for, but will be in opposition to everything that is written by others. Some will choose their own soundtracks, visuals and costumes, whilst others will take whatever they’re given without question. Some will have their scripts edited and others don’t need anyone’s editorial.

Now before I finish, there is this one who I am sure believes he can lead the life without hard work, problems or worries, and perhaps thinking that he's playing the best role there is, but unless he changes his ways, he will one day depart and have his epitaph written as follows: “HERE LIES A MAN WHO THREW AWAY HIS LIFE BY STEALING CAR BATTERIES” ...I mean the dude that stole my car battery lol

Holier-than-thou!

Just because you’re self-sainted doesn't give you the right to talk down to others as if they’re too irresponsible or stupid to overstand, and just because others do not seem to fit into your classification of piety doesn’t mean their life is a hell-bound journey and must be disrespected.

Talking to people about spiritual awareness is a good thing, but doing it without good judgment is insensitivity, and of course trying to be sensitive to the point of rubbing down the truth is also insincerity. So you need to have a sense of balance.

This is not a research finding, I just want to believe that the attitude of moral superiority of some of our preachers is the reason why da’is from overseas, by Allah’s Will are able to do better in giving nonbelievers the urge, awareness and nerve to become believers, and mostly because their sermons encourage rather than cause despair.

Here, even correctable blemishes are treated as if apostasy is what’s being committed. Folks keep passing judgement when they’re supposed to be thankful that they were born into Islam by default.

For my part, I am used to hearing snaps like: “Nauzubillah - Astaghfirullah - brother you’re off course - you need Dua’a” – but that doesn’t bother me, I believe if my misguided conduct is construed as kafir then the one doing the judging has also committed a sin [takfir], because I know even apostates are afforded respite to repent.

If you ask me, the best thing is to divest ourselves of the holier-than-thou conduct, stop ‘Astaghfirullah-ing’ everything and be tactful and considerate in our dealings with one another. That way, we could get the change we want without resorting to superciliousness. Tact is admirable– someone said it “is the ability to step on a man's toes without messing up the shine on his shoes.”

A successful family business enterprise is the best.

It is very inspiring to read stories of successful family business enterprises, particularly those that began with setbacks. Growing up, I mean before my dreams went through this inescapable detour, I used to hope that my little shop will one day grow into an empire, so that my kids wouldn’t be born into the corporate rat race.

You know, live the life of a self-made CEO - something like Henry Ford and The Ford Motors, William Wrigley and Wrigley Company, Sam Walton and Wal-Mart Stores, and the rest

Perhaps this is just my opinion, but really, seeing how selfish this world is increasing turning into, I don’t think there is anything more brilliant than affording your kids the luxury of becoming heirs to a corporate kingdom. 

Here unfortunately, it takes some of us years and years of blood, sweat and tears to create prosperity, but instead of showing prudence and wakefulness about future possibilities, we are inclined to opt for a life lived like there is no tomorrow, forgetting our humble beginnings, and the pains we went through to get to where we are.

Maybe it’s some form of obsession - or perhaps transitory opulence is also a DNA thing, and that ultimately letting everything to slip away is unavoidable. Doesn’t make sense to me; is like building an empire in ages only to help it to crumble in a day, pulling the plug out on future generations, and exposing them to preventable hardship.

What can I say! Even broke people are now trying to plead comfort by being incredibly flashy, spending what they’re yet to own and trying to impress rivals that do not exist..The other day, I was in my room hearing echoes from what sounded like a wedding ceremony, and the MC was announcing the donations. She had this portable PA system and I could hear:

“AJI FATOU DI XARATI YA KODOU MO JOHE LI, MUNEH AK HEPP – BENA TEMERE, NYARRI TEMERE, NYETTI TEMERE……JUNNEH [up to] NYARRI JUNNEH” [and then the claps].

I am not a psychic, but knowing what I know, I was sure if one had trailed that one home, you’ll be appalled by the amount of unpaid bills she had, but she wouldn’t pay those, because having her name aired over a loudspeaker was more important.

Problem'o!

See, people may not mind you saying whatever you want to say, but they have every right to mind listening - and just because they choose the latter doesn’t mean they hate you, but if you think anyone that fails to afford you an ear hates you, then that’s your problem.

That was problem number one. Now problem number two is when you’re fond of writing off everything that’s not your doing, thinking perhaps nothing is within other people’s capabilities, or nothing is good enough without your involvement.

You know you’re becoming your own problem if you have a problem with everyone including those you call your best friends – and last of all, if you’re like Omar Touray, so gripped by everyone’s problem, then my friend fasten your seat belts and get ready to lead an unreasonably bumpy, awkward and difficult life.

Before I finish! You know you’re everyone’s problem if you’re fond of grinding your food with your mouth open, and even more awful if you keep talking whiles chewing like that - no matter how compelling your conversation may be, you’ll only end up being a bloody turn off – I thought I should add that. Ma Daha Ganarr Wahalleh Suma Sorhla

“Top Rechu”

He decided to wrap up his vacation with a final fling, and luckily it was Valentine’s, so he went to this place of escape that was trending at the time and for a final night adventure. He was able to hook up with this young lady, who was only 19, but gifted with a 25 year old package. She was fit, fine and provokingly dressed, and flirting like Mia Khalifa

I don’t know, I guess the man’s blown-up swagger or probably the fragrance of his cologne intoxicated her, and she consented to a one night thingy - you know, that absolutely no strings attached thingy, and certainly no fears about being stalked in the future - In fact who cares if she’ll ever see him again.

To be brief, nine months afterwards, and that’s just roughly speaking, that never-to-be-repeated thingy turned into a windfall, a newborn actually. Now she’s confused, she can’t even figure who to name the newborn after, because according to the grapevine, all she knew about him was that he went by the name ‘Top Shotta.’

Her grandma was thrilled that the young lady brought forth a grandchild. She was like: ‘Lee Khewal La Dorm, Nyun Barri Wunj’, meaning it was a blessing to their not so large family. Now her mom’s so furious. She retorted that the baby be named “Top Rechu”” – I thought she was being sarcastic but she said: “Su Yakamti Ak Gawantu Jurray Dorm, Rechu Am Si Turando” [regret is what is begotten when impatience and undue excitement have a baby]

Please don’t let me be judged subjectively.

The past week was a great one and I am grateful. My occasional excesses were technically grounded because my ride went kaput over the weekend. I haven’t gone out or played part in any reckless nonsense. However, it’s a new week and I am back at the rat race, meaning I am going to need a lot of divine intervention. So dear God! If folks cannot be stopped from passing judgment on me, please don’t let me be judged subjectively.

Sometimes I wonder if people overstand how delusional it is to think they’re so close to someone when they’re as remote as the east is from the west. I believe if they knew, they would’ve known that the feeling is not only misguided, but also the reason why people are sometimes too critical of people they know nothing about - and since their opinions about such people are derived from mere speculations, they end up treating them with prejudice and for very unsound reasons.

If your familiarity or social contact with someone is not further than ‘Hello!’ and perhaps a chat or two on social media, do not rashly try to profile that person. Stop acting as if that person is someone with whom you share the same bed. Sometimes the people you think you know can be a far cry from how they appear or what others say about them.

Naturally, wherever there is steady harmony, there is certainly someone who knows or thinks he knows something about someone, but exercises restraint in saying anything based on impulse rather than thought. I know I am being allusive on here, but that’s because I write not for fools, but for allusive listeners out there.

Stop belittling finesse...

You know, when you happen to be comfortable where misery seems to be the prevailing state of things, or when you pull off what folks thought was inconvenient and impractical, or you’re able to reason sensibly regardless of been encircled by stupidity, don’t get shocked when you get carelessly linked to unproven shifty and covert doings.

That’s what we are best at, pointing hopeless finger at others for what they’re guiltless about and without a grain of unbiased evidence. I guess some of us tend to discount the fact that people are differently endowed, and just because you cannot do something doesn't mean no one else can.

If you ask me, a lot of ordinary folks are today dubbed cultists, ritual frauds, drug dealers etc. simply because they became successes in endeavours that faint-hearts and conspiracy theorists will never experiment. They’ll never have a go at anything, but always accusing others of everything, how insensitive! [shaking my head]

Mannequins Incarnate...

Listen! Exaggerating your swagger until it’s too awful for words will only transform you into a mannequin. You know “mannequin”? They’re those dummies that dressmakers and tailors display their products on. They’ll still be raggedy-ass dummies even if they were twice as pleasing to the eye as they appear.

And about those ‘Tragedy High School’ graduates that I have been seeing on here lately, posting 'selfies' that are 100% counterfeit, but courageously captioned as: “Be yourself” grin emoticon. I'm saying screw that cliché! If being yourself implies wearing a mask of lies and living your life on made-up stories, then being you is a disservice to decent civilisation, and asking you to be you will also be a very terrible advice.

But they say give credit where credit is due, and I think I have to admit that sometimes I am impressed, in the sense that some of these “mannequins” are so artful that gullible people tend to be foolish enough to fall for their pretence, to the point of copying everything they do, including their blunders – poor fools!

Don't mind me! The ‘International Institute of Applied Cynicism (IIAP)’ is where I schooled at. In there, we frequently engage in excessive complaining, but we’re not dream killers. So if living a life of fiction is your life’s ambition, keep it up, but be conscious of the fact that it’s a small world and people talk – I mean people can connect dots.

Communal Conscience

Being comfortable is one thing, but taking comfort in knowing that others are just as comfortable is the best thing. Personal wellbeing is one thing, but knowing that your wellbeing is not at the expense of someone else’s welfare is everything.

If for the time being you’re disadvantaged, be pleased about the comfort of those who are advantaged, so that no scope of desire will blind you into wishing discomfort on the comfortable, and if you’re fortunate, overstand that the protection of your fortune cannot be guaranteed if you try to block out the prospects of the poor.

That’s what communal conscience is all about. It’s about willingness to be there for not just you, but for others as well. It’s about making everyone feel worthy of a momentous life. It’s about not just saying: “you know what, my life is all right - the rest of humankind can go to hell.” Communal conscience is about commitment to the gains of unselfishness.

Don’t allow your lust for luxury to suffocate someone else’s necessity. Let your kindness be as effectual in real life as it is in theory. Keep striving for greatness and prestige, they’re natural human cravings, but do not forget to also give others a chance to improve. Selfishness is sinfulness and that’s a universal truth.

TESTIMONY: "None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself" – Hadith of the Day. “Do as to others what you want to yourself” – Golden Rule. “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others, and if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them” - Dalai Lama.. “We are not born for ourselves alone.” – Cicero 

When not to say 'Amen!'

If your spirit is faithless, your mind is dirtied, you’re cold-hearted in your dealings, your tongue is deceitful or you've a two-faced demeanour, do not expect God to answer your prayers. He won’t, because He knows best. He doesn't care about that unclean hand that you raise towards Him.

Have you ever given a cold shoulder to someone pretending to be praying for you, probably after Jummah or Eid?

I did that many times, because I believe we sometimes take these prayers after religious observances for granted, to mean nothing but insincere formalities. I believe if all our prayers were sincere, God would've answered, and if He had answered to everything we've prayed for so far, we would've been the best of people.

I remember on one occasion after Jummah, some dude that I declared a nemesis was like: “Yalna...” [May God] and before he could add what I knew was going to be a fake wish, I asked him to zip it, because I wasn't going to say Amen. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just not in the mood to fake an Amen, when I already knew the type of fraud he was.

Let me give you one trick. Sometimes when some of these counterfeits pretend to be praying for you, just pray back and say: ‘YALNALA YALLAH FEYE SA KHOL’ [May your reward be founded on your heart or intention], I bet some of them will never dare to say Amen because they know how insincere their intentions are.

‪A True Fiction

Before I became this poor, I didn't overstand that the more your privileged circumstances, the more the shysters, freebooters and hangers-on will come in the name of friendship just to take advantage of you. 

Don’t laugh - I used to be a rich kid. I had almost everything a kid will need to command friendship, and I used to have folks who will do anything just to get close to me.

Some of them will praise everything I do, say or put on, like I am immune to doing a wrong or making a bad decision. They’ll fight among themselves just to be in my good books, blow whistle on each other and sometimes willing to fight for me, but only to grow on me. Eventually shit happened and my circumstances changed. I became ordinary and had nothing much to offer. Today those flatterers I thought were my buddies don’t even recognise my arrival at their hangouts.

This is the sad state of our noble race. We have gotten to the point where the best state of alliance is to act like you don’t have allies, a point where flattery and praise should not be allowed to inflate your sense of self - that way you’ll never feel disappointed. Keep hold of the few that will never hesitate in telling you the truth, even if it hurts, and if you need advice, talk to them, because the rest will only feed you with what you want to hear.

The most dreadful thing about these overly servile phonies is that the more you give them an ear, or give some form of reward for their unsolicited guidance, the more they’ll heighten their lies and gossips, because that's their meal ticket. They’ll play with your sense of loyalty and affection for others, mix you up and make you so erratic and fickle in your dealings with everybody but themselves.

In the end, you may dislike someone this minute only to like the person the next minute, or make a decision this minute only to rescind that decision the next minute, because it is a natural tendency to retract or reverse a misinformed feeling or decision the moment you discover the lies that motivated it.