You only get one life to live...

I’m sure some of you’ll remember my bashing of those kids who fervently trust that “you only live once” (YOLO), mostly to feed their desire for reckless pursuits? You remember me saying the consequence is that “you’re (eventually) on your own” (YOYO)?

Well, I think I was wrong! I only needed to urge them to show moderation, not absolute abstinence and here’s why:

I don’t know what I feel about reincarnation, but I definitely know that no human is a cat; you only get one life to live, and it comes in phases. So, as you evolve, if you choose to skip that phase where it was okay to enjoy and amuse yourself with your peers, you may be able to relive it, but usually at the worst time possible.

I know… growing up, rather than get our work-play balance right at that phase, and possibly have the better of both worlds, we are taught that being assiduous in the pursuit of things that society finds uninteresting is the only way we can increase our chances of becoming successful, and an even merrier ever-after.

Yet we wonder why our former president loved toys (gadgets), or why the most insane birthday parties are hardly hosted by 21 or 18yos, but political and government figures, or why our “workchops” don’t leave leftovers and it is junk food, or why some disciplinarian who no way in hell would let me get his daughter a phone, can gift a girlfriend his daughter’s age, a Mercedes.

But I better put a brake on my fingers before I spill the beans about myself, like that notorious burglar that everyone spoke for, saying: “no, this isn’t his MO; not him this time.” Well, perhaps because of that, the idiot felt at ease to post pictures of himself on Instagram, with the stolen stuff.

Insecurity and Corruption

All the pomp and gauche display of significance in this country is a mark of insecurity. It's the only thing I know that craves distinction that much, and that's why here, even forgetting to call some people by their honorifics is a big deal. In fact, some prefer their titles to their actual names... like, instead of Omar, say Alhagie, or Director, or Doctor, or Honourable, etc. 

The thing with insecurity is that it produces rivalry, and where there's rivalry, people tend to envy success than be inspired by it. In fact, I want to argue that it's the root cause of corruption in this country, and it starts with say you landing a new job and wanting to be regarded as relatively accomplished, or that the time for everyone to look up to you is now. 

Like fate would have it, soon what you set your heart upon is all yours... like you wanted to feel and do better than those lazy brains who do no one any good, and now you have it; everything falls on you, like you wanted, right?

Well, until your salary is no longer enough, but you still want to keep up with the amazing feeling of being the tekki (successful) one, then you dip your hands into the proverbial cookie jar, rationalising each dip with the good you do, like helping pay a certain neighbour's medical bill, some kid's tuition, a cousin's travel expenses, while occasionally treating yourself to some of finest stuff money has to offer.

Henry Ford said 'givers have to set limits because takers rarely do.' But in your case, as exhausting as the demands have become, you may not have the luxury to do that, because folks don't react well to saying "no," and unfortunately, their validation is your most powerful currency.

It's an amazing feeling before it expires, but when it does, the consequence is usually a rude awakening - you know, you not getting to realise that nothing's actually simpler and enduring a reputation than being simply you, until you get caught with your hand in the unholy source of the philanthropy you're noted for.

Tact is a Social Skill

Tact, learn it and you can remove the stinger from any bee without getting stung, trust me! The say it’s ‘the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.’

Some think it’s gutless, so they become so gutsy that they offend others without knowing, or make sweeping condemnations and expect no one to object, and true, people hardly do, because the next thing is: banking on some vacuum-minded bandwagon, they'll nurture a sense of victimhood, putting a spin on your objection as either a sign of complicity or you’re intolerant.

Here’s a true story to relate – and reader discretion is advised:

Once upon a time, a friend, Paco, felt snitched on to the Drug Squad, and his suspects were the elders of his community. So he went bonkers: “Pa yi fi denj nuka ndeyam” (the elders here are all motherfuckers). Another friend, Bobo, took offense and retorted in Fula: a’konti baaba ma (including your dad).

Surprisingly, we all blamed Bobo for taking shit personal, and you know why? Because the generalised disrespect was done amid fellow stoners who don’t like the Drug Squad, for the reason that they make criminals outta descent folks, and these elders were seen to be getting in the way of that absolute liberty being sought fi di ganja herb.

Attitudinal Change

Everyone in The Gambia is crying out for “attitudinal change;” none is taking a hard look in the mirror. I will tell you what, ATEKELA! (it isn’t gonna happen), and that’s not me putting an evil tongue on, I’m just being realistic.

Attitude is not some software that you buy off the shelf, install it inna di piple and it ready fi use right away. Where I come from, they say it grows like Choka (pubic hair). So, one desires it to grow it, but also groom it, same way attitude is bespoke to fit the demands of one’s environment.

But that’s as long as the “demands of the environment” is keeping with reason and propriety, because today that what’s good is just what’s pleasurable, a lot is socially acceptable that doesn’t even care about the time-tested rules of right conduct

So calling for “attitudinal change” speaks to all of us, to become better versions of ourselves, as it goes even for (or perhaps particularly) those of us who tend to enjoin it on everyone else but ourselves, seemingly forgetting that a person's first responsibility is a person’s self.

Politics of The Gambian intelligentsia

Today’s political participation of the Gambian intelligentsia is like the intervention of the police in horror movies: too late and too loud to be effective, especially after the hero has taken care of the villain, in the same way regular Gambians used their years of in-the-trenches experiences to make the ascension of a supposed inferior possible.  

If you pay attention to movies you will see that when the police come, they only designate the place a crime scene, collect evidence to complete paperwork, and while at it, yelling all over the place: “Stand Back! This is a Crime Scene!  Move, Sir! Ma’am, We Got This!” But all that is after the fact, like maybe their coming late was good riddance to the mess they would’ve made.  

The only difference is, the Gambian “woke” squad doesn’t use those “Do Not Enter” ribbons to pretend activity, they profess know-how on panels - self-importantly seated, legs crossed, ankle over knee, flaunting problem-solving skills that only proffer problems for every solution, and now and then, they’d lean back to a more comfortable position, sip from their glasses to stay hydrated from dwelling on lost opportunities that only give substance to the question: “where were you?”

About criticism

My brother believes that I don't "wilt under criticism." I don’t know... but, if his observation is correct, I’m thankful for adulthood, and how I’m now more about understanding situations than reacting.

The more I get older, the more I realise that truth is irrelevant to people who only want to hear what makes them comfortable. They cannot tolerate the feeling of you saying anything that contradicts their self-justifying narratives. They’d rather keep apart from your views, even if it means unfriending you.

As far as I'm concerned, what to do about criticism should largely if not entirely depend on the source. People who care will always give constructive advice, and theirs may be hard to swallow but it’s coming from a good place; so it’s best that one listens.

When you get attacked by the same people who loved you for telling it like it is, but not this time that you described a certain situation honestly, remember: 'everyone loves a witch hunt as long as it's someone else's witch being hunted.'

If you’re sincerely promoting decency, yourself trying to be good, in the way you know best, yet always spoken evil of, like you’re no good, remember: bad people love company, so they naturally wouldn’t like it when you aren't like them.

If you’re a genuinely kind person, doing the good you do fī sabīli llāh, yet regularly accused of having ulterior motives, remember: self-seeking people judge everyone by their own inclinations. And because they seek nothing but the self, in their eyes, every charitable act is selfish propaganda.

The Paradox of Tolerance

Society cannot be tolerant without limit, says the paradox of tolerance... that "in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must be intolerant of intolerance." 

Way to go, I guess... only that I don't know how practical it is, or whose place it is to set the limit, because the way I see it, today, tolerance or otherwise, like perfection and beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, and that's why everyone sees their genre (of intolerance) as tolerable.

An example is how we give free speech a free rein only when people we characterise as bigots question the permissiveness of what they deem obscene, but not when those who consider themselves tolerant censor what they deem offensive.