Some amity is worse than enmity…

My very wise friend once told me in Wolof, he said: "so ehwor suba, ganarr reetay la, dawal ndik hamo num fananor." What he meant was: if you wake up in the morning and the chicken that's expected to be struck by fear on seeing you pursues you, try and run away because you don't know what she's slept or woken up with.

And this is not so uncommon these days. Your best buddy that you roll with can wake up one morning and hate you for nothing. This is why I feel more at ease dealing with open enmity than ambiguous amity.  I can’t just overstand why we cannot have the will to want to treat each other in a way that will leave no regrets...eh?

How do I mean is, enemy or friend, to me it doesn't matter what you choose to be, knowing that we cannot love everyone, but we can be singularly clear in what we are to each other, so that we'll know how to approach and deal with one another.

Dead consciences. ..

Transgressive is a person that is said to be selfish in a community where pretending to be an unselfish person is all what it takes to be considered an unselfish person. 

In fact I am no longer bothered by our selfish dispositions, knowing that every human being is selfish, especially when it comes to self-preservation and survival. 

What's of great concern and should probably induce worry on decent civilisation is the tendency of dead consciences thereof. God save the human race.

The enemy's mostly from within...

I am not a seer and don't take this for an implied suggestion to avoid everyone. However, I can tell that even if you think you're not worth anyone's endeavour to be like you, be informed that out there is someone who’s painfully desirous of the life you’re living.

The person's going to exhibit his or her envy in many forms, but will primarily try to damage your reputation, and he or she’s going to come disguised as a very good friend, one who’s ordinarily supposed to be beside you.

This person I'm talking about is going to do everything you like just to get close to you, bring gossips and narrate tales to you, but be warned that it's the same way he or she’s going to carry gossips from you in order to be able to tell tales about you. So pay attention to the signs

Don'ts and cannots...

Don't make a thing someone else's bread and butter simply because it is an essential part of you or your business - except if it is possible to take antibiotics on behalf of someone else’s infection.

Don't ever let your desire to be the first to know everything or to be on top of things tempt you into seeking to damage someone else's reputation, especially with untruths.

Don't hate a thing simply because it is done by someone you don't like and you cannot pass over a wrong just because it is committed by someone you like.

You cannot right your wrongs by refusing to admit their being and don't give good reason for a sin by finding partners in it; it will still be a sin even if the entire universe conspires to do it.

To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin Fairless, don't try to strengthen yourself by weakening another man, because you cannot add to the stature of a dwarf by cutting off the leg of a giant.

Unintelligent development...

When I was ‘taw’ and ‘chaat’ all at once (before my younger siblings came along), at home was mom, her sisters (my aunties) and myself as the only male figure in the house who doesn’t have an occupation out of the house. As you would expect, I attach so much importance to female company and that explains why I am good at ‘defanteh-ing’ (having my own back), but these were women without airs, whose company was focused on their own thing and on conscious issues than on people or foolishness.

Don’t think I have become sexist or something, and don’t take this for a generalising statement. I can confirm the fact that there are still women of substance out there, and I still have and recognise the value of certain female circles, but the poisoned and unintelligent development of the companionship of the best part of the women of this period is what I find insupportable.

The way I see it, everything’s now a cause of stress, and not only due to fixated waste or heartless misuse of hard-earned means, but also the needless display of borrowed reputation and the redefinition of the word "class" to mean anything cocky or wayward. Each one wants to be the centre of everything she is a part of, but with a pretended show of humility. Each one regarding or portraying the other as less impressive or important than her appearance may indicate, despite calling each other friends.

Conventionality has gone so off track, and so a hundred different women can interpret a single custom in hundred different ways, depending on individual likings and on everyone’s desire to be heard. This is why everyone ends up confusing everyone; cluster-confusion if you like - and you wonder why we have mule-type practices, ceremonies and rituals, including weddings that are neither religious nor traditional and not even pagan inclined.

Each one’s a certified event pathologist in her own right. So when they come back from their ceremonies, regardless of their fatigue or even before having a shower, they must do an autopsy; gossiping about who was dressed in what, who donated how much, who was expected to come and who hardly graces such occasions, who ate greedily, whose outfit was authentic and whose was fake, who should’ve done what in preference to what, who took the opportunity to responsibly squash beef with who and who rekindled whose rivalry with who, and so forth.

They’ll tell you “yeufi jigeun la” (it is female nature), but to me it’s a weakening of the trust that God had placed in them, because God had placed in every woman a unique value to not only give rise to, but to raise and transform creation, but shouldn't one be a model in order to transform another being?

To end with, Lord knows I love y’all, especially women who do not mind being different, knowing that it is in the difference that one can stand out. I hope the rest will do some serious soul-searching and show a relationship with the noble responsibilities vested in them.

Don't mind this...

I like to help, but when it comes to receiving other people's willingness to help, give or share with me, I become a bloody cynic. Not like there are no good and genuine people, it’s just me and my many weaknesses. I always have this ugly tendency to ask myself: "but why is he or she doing this for me; what's in it for him or her?"

But that’s just the A-side. On the B-side, it's a good thing because I don't get disappointment just like that. I always anticipate some degree of selfishness.

This is why I look deep into everything, and praise the Lord I don’t discover your intention to be self-centered, otherwise you’ll never have what you intended, especially not when what you're trying to depict is inspired by the sole desire to date some girl I know. I’ll make sure you bounce like a bounced cheque, and you’ll use your insufficient funds to pay the penalty - try me!!!!

I’ll call it ‘generational envy’ or perhaps ‘myopic adulthood’.

Since I cannot find a word for it, I’ll call it ‘generational envy’ or perhaps ‘myopic adulthood’. It is when as an adult, you cannot wish for young people anything you didn’t have the occasion to, or couldn’t get when you were their age; when you keep reminding them of how grateful they should be that they didn’t go through what you went through, as if they were the reason you were in that unfortunate state of yours.

I am not just trying to think up a story to post; this is not an uncommon mentality, and it is probably one reason why you hardly see adult folks aiming for slow even though sure ventures. They want immediate returns and for selfish reasons. The reason why we don’t have adequate evergreen plants like cola, dates, coconut or palm trees is not because the land isn’t suitable, but because folks believe these plants take time to produce results and they wouldn’t want to die prior to reaping the benefits. They don’t care about legacy but ironically preach ‘Sadaqah Jariyah’ (ceaseless charity).  

I have seen families that were once so wealthy, but they became broke just after the demise of the main source of their wealth. If you ask me, it’s not because of some evil ‘serign-tu’ business or lavishness of the kids, it’s because the investments weren’t designed to last long. The amusing ones are those who act as if having interest in more wives and in the quantity rather than quality of children is the standard by which heroism is measured. So every windfall they chance upon comes with a new wife, and when they exhaust the limit, they employ something similar to the ‘first in first out’ (FIFO) stock valuation method – like divorcing the oldest wife for a newer one.  

About the kids, the notion is: “Dona sa baye, done sa baye ah ko geune” – fair enough! It is more respectable to seek be like your dad than to wait to become heir to your dad, but why must an existing wheel be reinvented? Can’t the children be groomed to nurture what dad started? I have seen it happen abroad. I have seen family business empires built centuries ago and still doing fine. Sometimes the dad retires from being President and CEO but still chairs the Board whilst the kids are running things.

No ‘Cadi’ or holy-looking person will have the effrontery to tell such a family that: “you know - God said when the father dies, the male child should get this and the female child that” – NO SIR, I am not a scholar but I know the will of the deceased takes precedence. In fact these families are so close-knit that outside hypocrisy is not condoned. The business hierarchy is like a monarchy and is overstood by all that way. 

I don’t want to name names here but I have seen and worked with a few local businesses and financial firms operating that way. I wish we could know and try to be like them. It will take us far and will of course reduce the stupid corporate infighting.

It is what you make it.

In this (our) age of interactive technology, it'll definitely take so much will and reserve to be literate and be able to stay away from social media. But greater strength, willpower and lack of naiveté is to be on social media and be able to use your franchise for all the best reasons.

In fact half the virtual circle I keep and those accused of spending too much time on social media are free from pettiness, meanness and dubious conduct. So, don't be so quick to pass judgement on who's here for what. These things are what you make them. I call it relativism of purpose and perhaps intent.

Personally, I don't want to imagine how my life would have been without social media and this sophisticated smartphone of mine; no brags. Today I am afforded a one stop source for happenings all around the world and in my palm - ain’t that awesome? All I need is the intelligence to tell between the believable and the discardable.

May God bless all thinkers and redeem all tinkerers from the clutches of meddlesomeness. Especially those who tinker with other people's businesses!

It is Eid...let us pray...

Alhamdulillah! Congratulations and blessed Eid to everyone. I pray that Allah will accept our fasts, prayers, alms and thanksgivings. I pray that this Ramadan be a needed rehab and that we'll be able to abstain from needless contrariety, hatred, enmity and ill-feeling.

May we be devoted to the interests of others just as we are to ours, and even if perceived to be at some cost to us. May we be true to the beliefs, standards, qualities, behaviours and virtues that we put on show during this month of Ramadan.

May we not be cruel and unjust in our dealings with others or allow the violation of the rights of others to occur without interference. May the desire to gain self-serving favours or advantages from another not blind us into going against the rights of others. May we always strive to depict that which is real and abstain from deceit and falsehood.

May we be afforded the 'sabr' to endure and see our adversities as trials and tests rather than the evil works of other people.

And one final thing:'Mbubi Julli' must be fit for purpose, i.e. julli (prayer). Anything less than appropriate is 'Mbubi Haram', nonhalal to be precise...I don't have to be a mufti to issue that fatwa.

Be impartial...

While we're trying to squash our beefs with others and submitting other people's disputes to arbitration, let us be careful not to base our judgements on one sided stories.

Don't discount the fact that some of us are good at using our gift of eloquence for very wrong reasons.

If you ask me, absolving the oppressor when he or she should be rebuked is in itself an act of oppression towards the one that's already oppressed.

So, tell the oppressed to be forbearant, but don't fail to warn or notify the oppressor of his or her fault, even if it is going to be a gentle and kind reproval - that's only right.

ABC of Mbaran...

If you're indiscriminate in your choice of women or in making girlfriends, 'mbaran' if you like, they say two things must be present. You got to have the TIME and the MONEY, and in a concurrent manner.

If you have all the time on earth but you're not moneyed, women may be smitten by your wiliness, but believe me, it's just a matter of time before your parasitical ass gets busted and dumped.

Now if you have the money but not the time, you'll tend to have the disposition of a philanthropist rather than a lover. You'll fund the throwing of parties you wouldn't attend or spend dough on an ass you wouldn't hit...Astafirullah!!!

Imbalanced evolution...

Once upon a time, owning a hefty Ericsson, a very large Motorola or castle-size Nokia cellphone was all what you needed to belong. 

Then came the tiny and flip phone era, and all of a sudden your cellphone ain't shit if it is not as small as my "T28 World":) 

Today that things have changed. Your phone is not considered smart if the screen is not as large as a pool table. I love it; it's called evolution. 

Now whether this progression of electronic change is reflecting on the state of mind of the users is what I doubt.

Strength!

Besides a dependable God and a reliable circle of friends/crutches upon whom the person wholeheartedly leans, behind every strong suit or strength is an endured struggle, of disappointments, loss and heartbreaks - and by "strength" I mean strong people who have refused to give in simply because of the weight of the demons of their lives.

Note to myself...

Let’s say you’re a high school student sitting or about to sit to your final examination. Will you look forward to scoring an aggregate 6 distinction, or 6 A's without having a shot at the two foundation subjects (English and mathematics)? 

I don’t think so, because even if you have 100% in all the other subjects, you’ll still end in tears when you see your friends flaunting sixes for attempting and passing those two that are compulsory in the National Curriculum.

In the same way, your absolute salvation will be very easier said than attained if you say you believe in your religion and you do not put your faith into practice, or if you select only the most desirable acts from among the list of required deeds.

Now let’s say you’re a Muslim. Will you still look forward to Firdaws (The highest level of Paradise) if you count out Sawm (fasting during the month of Ramadan), Salat (performing prayers in the proper way five times each day), but you proclaim the Shahadah (sincerely reciting the profession of faith), pay Zakat (alms, charity or tax to benefit the poor and the needy) and perform the Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca)?

I don’t know about you, but me, I wouldn’t want to take that chance. I’ll rather play safe and make an attempt on all even if I am going to get an average pass in all, than do only three and have an ace in just three. May Allah make us doers of good works and achievers of merit in all the deeds, amen!

P.S - I like giving analogies because I believe people overstand better when you communicate in the simplest means possible. I have observed that there are a lot of ‘Anglo-arabo’ preachers these days and they tend to confuse some of us who don’t speak Arabic, even though we've no excuse for not learning our religion’s language of communication.

Man up and tell her...

You wouldn't know if she's the partner of your dreams if you lack the confidence to let her know how you feel. In other words, you cannot refuse to put your best foot forward and still accuse her of arrogance or contempt, that won't work. 

My definition of valour...

Your valour is not how incautious you’re or how inconsiderate you can be, but that unfettered strength of will that guides your decisions as to what should be done in a particular situation. Severing yourself from the will to make wise choices or far-sighted decisions could only possibly result in trouble – your own trouble that is.

This is only right....

At any place of work, be it a workshop, office, studio, garage, etc, it's natural for some perks to be doled out on the basis of seniority.

In fact Aristotle advised that "equals must be treated equally, and unequals must be treated unequally." Meaning each person should be given what he or she deserves.

So, in the interest of peace and for sanity to prevail; let no junior staff feel or exhibit hatred, enmity or ill-feeling simply because of the advantages afforded to senior members of staff.

Likewise, let no boss block, suppress, restrain or refuse to take action on the rightful opportunities or means deemed favourable to the success of the junior staff.

If something comes to the workplace for everyone to share; a freebie for instance, let the seniors not be greedy; let them show class and allow the juniors to have it.

If you're having a problem...

If you're having a problem, you need to acknowledge the being of the problem before you can solve or be helped to resolve it. 

You cannot resolve an issue by pretending not to have noticed it, or by granting remission to the source of, or the reason for the problem.

Is like trying to relief yourself from that continued dull pain of toothache by pretending not to be suffering from it, or by extracting someone else's tooth.

My job is to respect them.

I have not yet seen a job more challenging or tougher than being a woman, but especially being a typical Muslim woman in the month of Ramadan.

Perhaps tougher than that is when you're employed, and your paid job plus your Ramadan chores do not make you any less of a mom.

You know you're to an undeniable extent the toughest if your responsibilities as a woman do not make you any less attentive in observing your religion.

In fact all women are really and truly deserving of my respect. Special shout out to my lil sis. She's the reason I can afford to spend so much time at the 'campeh' talking nonsense, hoping that time will pass more quickly

Just because it seems doesn't mean it is..

Someone who doesn't give consent to everything you say may still be a friend, just as the one who validates everything you do may not necessarily be a friend. True friendship is founded on openness and sincerity.

You cannot call someone a hater simply because he spoke to you in a manner that seems slightly blunt, or maybe he has an opinion that disagrees with yours. Overstand that any agreement that interferes with honesty is actually criticism.

Respect the person who out of respect holds open a door for you, gives up a seat for you, allows you to go ahead in a long queue or upholds simple courtesies like thanks, please, excuse me, etc.

Do not take these polite gestures and remarks to mean 'ragal', 'nyaka faida' or 'buga attention', and not all who sometimes fail to observe these courtesies are 'nyaka xel'. Sometimes people aren't in their perfect mental state - 'hejna sohla ya munon borom'

Finally, there's a thin line between moderate behaviour or a modest person and a doormat. Being a "doormat" is when you willing allow others to wipe their shoes on you or to plod around in your business.

And once you allow it, putting a stop to it may be easier said than done because your conduct is already an indication of concent.

May we be afforded the ability to tell the difference.

Customer care ingrates...

When he is looking for a woman to complete him, the average man is as soft as the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis - ask the in-laws. But give him a wife and watch him behave as if he’s bought himself a tool to vent his anger on. But this is why most consecrated unions end up so damn desecrated.

But if you think these men are ungrateful, you have not met a typical customer care employee. When they’re not in a job and are looking for one, they can be as obedient as a puppet, but give them one and create ingrates. They’ll start acting like they’re doing everyone including the boss a favour. Some of them won’t even wait to serve their probation before pushing their mood down everyone’s throat.

I remember debating against the motto that: “the customer is always right.” I thought the slogan gives too much authority to the customer,  knowing how hard to please some can be. But how can I stand up for someone with zero hospitality in her DNA, or for someone who knows no better way to make up for her insecurities than passing her it on to those who’re supposed to be her business?

The intolerant tolerants…

Based on the debates and random commentaries on here regarding same-sex marriage, I have observed that there's in fact more tolerance from those who condemn the act towards the sympathisers of the act than there's from the sympathisers of the act towards those who criticise the act.

I have not seen a dialogue between the two that didn't end in the sympathiser calling the condemner "holier-than-thou" or "smugly moralistic". But I have not yet seen a condemner calling a sympathiser 'hypocritically impious' or "profaner-than-thou " - but this is just a personal observation.