Nigeria Decides!

Congratulations to all Nigerians for making Elections2015 a success. I am not celebrating individual victory here, I celebrate democracy and the fact that every sensationalist ‘tell-lie-vision’ channel covering events in Nigeria and expecting the usual to happen will today either say their piece without editorial bias or hold their peace.

Concrete respect to President Goodluck Jonathan for acting in good faith and reaching out to Muhammadu Buhari through what they call the ‘golden call’, that was a true manifestation of CLASS. I hope Mr. President-elect will provide that which is expected, which of course includes respecting the electoral process that brought him to power….Afrika Dream Again!!!!!

The Internet and I

Since the bond between the Internet and I is based on both admiration and irritation, I am going to need a super intelligent hoax detection app to curb the irritation bit, and to make sure I confirm everything that appears on my timeline before reacting - Je ne peux prendre aucun risque.

So much self-serving claims and propaganda these days and it’s becoming so damn creepy. Sometimes you read something and go bonkers only to realise that you were just furious about nothing. Other times you’re in a state of euphoria, but until you realise that the cause of your delight was just a mirage.

On top of its many advantages, the internet has become a hub for distorted truths and personal opinions conveyed as facts - a place where almost everyone is a news channel and anyone can say: “you know what, you're all wrong, I'm right”, fabricating anything just to sway the opinion of defectively-educated people to any direction, but that’s no fun.

If you ask me, don’t trust anything you see, find out or believe without checking it clean. Don’t even trust me or this piece you’re reading because it’s on the internet.

Isn’t he perfect?

I think I saw the ‘prophet’ today, but if that’s blasphemous then I'll rephrase and say today I saw someone whose personality is as good as it is impossible to be - but I think he was just putting on airs.

See what he said to me - and this is not the whole lot, but in exactly the same words as were used: 

“Boy giss nga man, duma mandi, duma fen, duma saga, duma saacha, duma tapalleh, duma jowe, musuma orr ken, musuma tonj ken, tey lu nekut suma bos mba affaire duma ko jeggeh”

Meaning: He doesn’t lie, use bad language, get stoned, steal, cheat, gossip, betray, offend or take advantage of anyone, and he stays away from that which is not his or his business…Ha! In this day and age? What can I say but well done - well-bomboclaat-done star!

Be Thankful!

When people around you do something right, praise them for it. It will only encourage them to do more. Sometimes doers may humbly pretend to not care about the credit; I do that all the time, but the fact is, it doesn’t hurt to be credited for what you’ve done right. In fact there is no human being who doesn’t want to be appreciated.

Having thanked God as the Creator/Facilitator of all actions, the person that is without jealousy finds it right to thank the agent (sabab, cause or reason) through whom came a certain blessing, by saying: “I got this or was able to do this through so-and-so,” and not only holding the agent responsible when it is a misfortune.

Wolof Njie says:”ku gereumul nit, du gereum yallah” – meaning: ‘if you are not thankful for the support received from people that you can see, then you’ll more than likely not be grateful for the blessings received from God that you cannot see’, and that’s true.

William Arthur Ward says the ‘gereum’ or thankfulness is useless if not expressed. He said: "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."- Have a great week ahead – and be thankful even for this Social Networking App that has made the sharing of this piece of reminder possible!

You can't afford to....

You cannot be broke and not be broken in a world where being broke is not unlike a crime. I mean you cannot afford to be broke in a world where you don’t even make sense if you aren't making money.

You cannot afford to be a compulsive giver or not be frugal in a world where when you become broke, the first people to roast you will be the very people you were of assistance to.

You cannot afford to be clueless or be ignorant in a world where everyone is (or pretends to be) conscious, or where everyone seems to know a little beyond everyone else’s knowledge.

You’ll be so naive to sit and wait for approval of what you do, knowing you live in a world where people are naturally so disinclined that even saying something nice about someone else is objectionable.

You’ll be foolish to ask for relationship advice from someone who sees all loving women as money-orientated beings, and caring guys as weak-willed men that will do, wear, think and say whatever their woman tell them to.

You cannot afford to share your private matters with an 'okra-mouth' and expect him/her not to repeat it to others. Well, except if you believe that the “virgin” going through an abortion in the maternity ward is indeed a virgin.

You cannot expect recognition for or as an accomplished autodidact in a world where not having a diploma is not unlike a disease.

You cannot afford to share plans of a bigger life with someone who’s always finding excuses or blaming the evil hand for not being able to achieve what he or she should have achieved.

You cannot afford to waste your energy talking to a people who’ll always take offence in everything, including the things you’re yet to say.

You cannot look forward to be treated like you’re making sense in a world that’s so passionate about nonsense – and I don’t know if I am making any sense, but that’s none of my business.

Yalna Sutura Yaga!

The other day, I offered this long lost Idren a ride, and we were reminiscing about how he used to be a fan of my basketball showmanship. He said his big brother, my friend from long time who’s now living abroad called and was asking about me, and whether I am still ayard. He said he told him:

“Yeah, Wye Mike Mungi Ovala Cool” -That I am still around but living large.

I laughed my ass out knowing that kid was clueless about the fact that even the car I was riding was borrowed and that as I was with him, I was only Two Hundred and Twenty-Five Dalasis and Fifty Bututs (D225.50) rich :-D

That's a confirmation of the fact that no matter how bad things are with you, someone somewhere is thinking so highly of you, or perhaps has it worse than you do. 

“Kuneh Sa Xetu Ngemba Doye Na La Bandaxndiku.”

Feeling untroubled and stress-free does not mean you’re free from trouble. You’re only able to avoid them to the extent that you can, and perhaps able to cope with the ones that are bound to happen, which of course will include tweaking the cause of the trouble in order to rebuild yourself.

So whether it is your lack of action, a seasonal storm, a natural traumatic life experience or betrayal by someone you had opened your heart to, there will certainly be something in your life that will bother you, but that’s how life works anyways.

In fact those whose lives you think are perfect are at the end of the day not perfect. That perfection you see is only an imperfect perception of an eager beholder, and the day you think your life is perfect is the day it is even more flawed.

Some people may fake it, but if you ask me, that’s the wrong handling. In reality, they have more problems than you and I. Theirs is a problem inside a problem, because faking it just to keep the imperfect perfect is in itself an inconvenience.

What a terrible backside if those troubles we hide behind closed doors should come into view - Nauzubillah Min Zalik! But that's none of my business, since trying to be the Omar ​that I want to be is already enough stuff to deal with. I guess “Kuneh Sa Xetu Ngemba Doye Na La Bandaxndiku.”

Sometimes I just want to declare certain things improbable...

Just because it’s a Friday, some people will pray for you even if you say you want to rewind time, or maybe live without death - and they’ll expect you to say Amen.

Me - my life is not a burial ground for hopes, but I hate to comfort myself with false hopes, just as I can't bear promises that have no foreseeable chance of coming to fruition.

Most of all, I dislike it when the promisor gives his word with a smile, like those fake smiles that some people wear when taking their occasional ‘we-(wish-we-could)-love-our-lives’ selfies.

When I am broke and/or broken, I appreciate everyone that tries to cheer me up, but not when the cheerer is acting as if he’s got everything figured out, like he’s God’s envoy to planet earth and had already tabled my case before Him, so it’s just a matter of time.

Sometimes I want to declare certain things improbable, so that when they happen, they’ll come as pleasant surprises. In fact, the feeling of fulfillment then is without equal. SO if I choose to be bleak about the coming of something, I prefer to be left alone, especially when that thing is not my only reason for living.  

Like 55 year-olds at 20something...o.O

When they become fed up or frustrated about their lives, they become so badly maintained that their age accelerates inexplicably, looking like 55 year-olds at 20something. So instead of fixing their untimely wear and tear, they become terminally insecure. 

The type of toxic emotion that they develop wouldn’t let them celebrate their own grace, even though everyone has something to celebrate - some are beautifully chubby with amazing curves, some gorgeously slim, some long legs, some great waists and flat abs, some cute boobs and round behinds, some high cheekbones, some incredibly natural hair or complexion, some gracefully Hijab’d, etc. 

In spite of this, is like worn-out people want everyone to remain wretched, thinking it’s normal to lose their looks to age, but how normal is it to look like your grandma at 20something? They cannot even differentiate between growing up and growing old and are inclined to become Fatwa-giving haters, forbidding everything that makes others stunning. 

Each time a certain age mate’s figure or body type is afforded compliment in their presence, or when they see them in great shape and perhaps heartbreakingly younger than them, their insecurity sparks off, and they start condemning them for refusing to get old, as if it is a crime to look young.

If you ask me, feel great about yourself, so that even if you’re not so beautiful, you could still have the flair to be able to stun anyone into insensibility – the Senegalese singer says: “Jiggen Bou Beugay Am Manoray, Day Jongeh Teh Barri Feem” and she’s right, a lady is worth her salt when she has the capacity to do her ‘thing’ well.   

Jealous remarks like the following are just uncalled-for: 

“Ki Suma Magut, Kon Suma Morom La, Defa Banya Mag Rek - Ki Fekkeh Bi Yallah Don Pentirr Asaman Si - Defaa Haleh Haleh Lu, Wye Mor Mag Cherreh – Su Wrinkle Fighter Amuton Nga Guiss Derri Jessit Wolahi.” 

Translation:

We’re age mates, she is just refusing to get old – she was present when God was painting the skies – she’s only acting young, but she’s older than couscous – if not for her use of anti-wrinkles, her alligator skin would’ve been exposed.

Just help!

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed” – Maya Angelou

In my opinion, cheerful giving doesn't necessarily have to be with a smile, but with absolutely no strings attached, and accepting gratefully means not having that blinkered attitude of speculating that the one willing to help has an ulterior motive for trying to help.

If you’re going to speak or act in support of someone, let it be in the interest of making life wonderful for that person - and anything less than taking pleasure in the difference you were able to make in that person’s life will naturally translate to envy, thereby rendering your intention shady.

Try to be left the hell alone..

In our time, no compliment can be kindlier than being called a loner. As a matter of fact, it’s a confirmation of your preference to be left the hell alone, and how you wouldn’t rest your comfort and worth on society’s approval.

People take me for a weirdo when I say this, but that’s before they get played by the very people that they share private matters with - that’s the time they appreciate why I prefer to separate myself from a good number circles – be it social, relational or occupational.

For my part, progress has been healthy so far, because I don’t feel obligated to be part of any group, especially seeing how most groups end up being barely audible because of disagreeing purposes. I don’t have to worry about any rivalry, infighting, changeable characters, or about folks blowing petty things out of proportion.

I try to do what I think is proper even if I am going to be left without a friend. I don’t want to dress like anyone. In fact I wear Khaftan on Mondays and Jeans on Fridays - that way, I wouldn’t look like anyone. I don’t write or speak like anyone - I have my own accent, but that’s because I am not anyone – and when folks do their dhikr, I respect them, but I meditate alone.

If I don’t have the time, I don’t put myself under any pressure to grace any social gathering. I can always make up for the ones I need to, and I don’t care who boycotts mine. Hungry people will come anyways, even if uninvited – and i am if you think I am on an ego trip right now.

Last but not least, if I should die before y’all, and you have the time to do an epitaph for me, let it say: “In memory of Mr. 'Leave-me-the-hell-alone' RIP.”

Bullen Nyu Horh!

Ha! Sometimes the way these ladies couch it, it sounds as if relational heartbreaks are a feminine problem and I think that’s incorrect. I can confirm that these things come either ways - and just like women, men too can be perpetrators as well as victims of crushing relational distresses.

On a serious note, just like it wouldn't be fair for a man to punish an entire congregation of righteous women for the sin of just one bad woman, it is equally unfair for a woman to express disapproval of ALL men as a consequence of the jackassery of just one jerk. 

Sometimes you just need to move on like "hakuna matata." Perhaps he wants you to desperately worry like there's no other. I am not being ruthless and I am not saying do not give REASONABLE vent to it. I do that all the time - it’s a healthy thing, If there is someone you can confide in that is, since not many people are good at keeping private matters of other people.

Collateral Enmity

In truth, nobody wants to be disliked. We all want to be loved, but they say “if everybody loves you, something is wrong...” you should “find at least one enemy to keep you alert.” They say “if nobody hates you, you're doing it wrong.”

The more I grow up, the more I appreciate this fact, and the more I overstand that trying to get back at all my enemies will only lead to new enemies that are incidental to those supposed enemies; ‘collateral enemies’ if you like, and I think that’s preventable.

Torpid Media

We all post and say stuff on social media, but at the end of the day, I am of the view that we can only be responsible for what we intend to achieve with what we post, and not for what others take our posts to mean, especially in a world where people only pick out what they want to see.

I also don’t think we should be responsible for any added personalised message or the individual objectives of those who share our posts. If our social media liability cannot be excused in the above conditions, then this wonderful invention is but the most torpid innovation ever.

“Gambians don’t feel comfortable to be critiqued”

It is almost generally held that “Gambians don’t feel comfortable to be critiqued” - but I don’t think that notion holds in all cases. I believe folks are sometimes not okay with criticisms not because they’re easily upset, but because some haters disguise themselves as constructive critics, so that they can hate on everything you do, and without offering any well-reasoned opinion that can improve your work. 

Whenever such people are asked to comment on something, they have this awful bias of acting as if the outcome must be negative, and instead of being friendly in the process, they’re more than usually oppositional, as if nothing you do is ever right, and that’s impossible because “even a broken clock would be right twice a day.” Another thing I find funny is the use of borrowed audacity - the ‘sanj sanj lou’ if you like.

This piece is not motivated by the experience that I am about to share, but I think it’s relevant. On one occasion I volunteered to author a part of a certain document, and I had to swallow my public speaking phobia to politely attend the validation, but there I became conscious of the fact that a lot of people comment on issues just for the heck of ridiculing someone, or probably because they’ve seen others doing it and they don’t want to appear dumb.

At the end of the validation, I called all their rectifications "wreck-tifications", because instead of looking at the substance, mechanical and grammatical accuracy of what was before them, all their suggestions were badly chosen synonyms, half of which I rejected because the write-up was on a specialised area that required the use of specialised words. Now instead of talking about the complete waste of my valuable time, they concluded that I was just another Gambian that cannot stand criticism. 

One of them came to me during coffee break to ask how hot my seat was. I was appalled that seeing me shaky and sweating under the AC in my bid to regain composure was all what mattered to that one.  So that she can go home and gossip about my awkward state, and to probably claim glory for asking stupid questions.

I think it strips down to being passionate about nonsense; like I used to be about my observations when I was a junior auditor.  So eventually when the issues that I thought were valid observations get resolved and I had to go back to base with nothing but a good evaluation of the client, I used to feel bad, but now I see things differently. I have grown to realise that the audit exercise was not for me to inflate my ego, but to add value and to be more constructive than destructive to the client.

I am not saying the notion is wrong, but for every Gambian that hates to be critiqued, I think there is an equal share that cannot appreciate or celebrate anything. If you ask me, don’t be like me in my junior audit days - “if you can't say something nice (and constructive), don't say anything at all” - and for those of us that pretend to be tolerant by asking for advice, criticism or whatever, if you know you’re going to be distressed by what you’re going to get, then don’t ask for feedback.

The buffering human being...

You know that feeling when you’re trying to watch an online video with an internet speed like ours, and you have to wait against your will before it can play without stuttering. Shit’s called “buffering” - but even more annoying than a buffering video is a buffering human being.

You know those yawn-inducing people that are so slow on the uptake that you cannot even engage them in ordinary gossip without getting upset, because they’ll want you to go into every detail, as if you’re that pathetic.

See this gossip that I engaged in for instance:

“Boy, I think Ojo is bored of his girl.” He asked: “which Ojo?” I murmured: “the one standing behind.” Then he said: “but there is no Ojo behind you.” Now I retorted but softly: “Shhh! I mean Ebou, “Ojo” is just a code.” Now he got it, but he asked: “why did you say he’s bored?” I said “because he flirts with every girl he chances on.” Now he wants to know the names of those girls, where they live, how “Ojo” flirted with them, how I knew it was a flirt, and so on - In the end, I just had to give the fuck up

A common ailment between an idiot, a retard and a person like this is the inability to quickly overstand issues or to draw logical conclusions.

Theirs is not unlike the Donkey-Syndrome. Remember I once said on here that the reason why the donkey brays at the dead of night is because that’s the time it can make sense of the day's events. So whenever it calls something to mind and a certain humour strikes, it goes about hee-hawing the whole place – and you know you're not unlike a "buffering person" if you cannot make sense out of this piece *winks*

Food for thought…

How many times have you not closed your eyes to a wrong simply because it was committed by someone you lionise? Haven’t you ever competed with poor people for something that was provided or given for free, and despite having the means to pay for it?

Tell me you’ve never borrowed and didn’t return, or employed the services of broke people without giving them something in proportion to their hectic labour? Tell me you’ve never used anyone as trampoline, betrayed or played game on anyone, or have someone jumped for your own personal benefit?

Tell me you’ve never left someone grumbling about his troubles, when in secret you’re hoarding more than enough to change his life? Tell me you’ve never offered a price too high or set a price too low to something and only because you want to deprive someone from getting that thing?

How many times haven’t you preached that people should learn to help each other, but as it happens you don’t have a single person on your own record? Have you not ever shown someone empathy on account of a misfortune, only to go behind his back and proclaim that his condition is but a deserved retribution? (defko Moye)

Haven’t you made someone appear to be the perpetrator of a wrong that you personally committed – and even if the wrong was as small as farting in public - but now you have the effrontery to pretend to be very caring or perhaps the realest and coolest thing since kool-aid? 

Simple is sexy!

Every woman is beautiful, but beauty can be enhanced or cheapened by the appropriateness or inappropriateness of what one attires oneself, and it doesn’t matter if Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Coco Chanel or Fendi is what it is - if it’s a fail, it’s a fail.

See, some of us that believe in omens don’t take the first things that we catch sight of lightly. If you’re the first thing I come across, on a Monday morning especially, and you’re ruthlessly dressed in some lamely accepted figure-hostile outfit, like you’re modelling for a charity shop; I am going to go back to bed, knowing that my hustle’s already messed up.

For my part, a lady doesn't have to look like a colouring book to be beautiful, and certainly not like the female version of Lat Dior Ngoneh Latir Diop. Being dressed in something simple and figure-friendly is more pleasing to the eye. This opinion is somewhat dittoed by the ‪Wolof saying that one should eat what one enjoys, but must wear what pleases others. (Laykal lula nekh, waaye solal lu nekh nit nyi) – Have a great week ahead!

Life goes on!

It is heartbreaking to come upon a friend that you used to ride it out with, and only to realise that he’s now mentally ill. Especially not just a friend, but a true ride or die, an epitome of genuine loyalty, always down for you regardless. One that will never think about giving up his integrity for anything hostile to what you had, much less try to cause your downfall.

You started reminiscing on the good old times, and how y’all used to share dreams of a bigger life, but by Allah’s guidance you survived the game that he got messed up at. Now you’re sad, seeing him in a state that you could've been in. You so badly want to help, but what do you know about mental health. You find it retarded that folks are making fun of his illness, discounting the fact that it could've been them or theirs. 

Someone said “at its best, life is completely unpredictable” and he’s right. Things will always change and sometimes all wrong. Friends will come and go. Some will be successful, build new identities, some will remain on the breadline, some will make friends in accordance with their new standings, others will preserve their humbleness, some will travel abroad and go native, some will die young, some clinically insane, some junkies, some incarcerated, some will lengthen their beards and be holier than everyone, some considered apostates, some shameless sycophants, and so on.

The unexpected will force certain autobiographies to be rewritten, but at the end of the day, strength demands that we take comfort in knowing that no matter what happens next, life will still go one and we must become accustomed to that. May our individual stories be afforded happy endings. Speedy recovery to those in poor health, whether mind or body. May all departed souls find eternal peace.

Stages of growth...

For as long as you live, you’ll come across people with different stages of growth - you’ll meet grown people, growing people, growable people, not-quite-grown people, overgrown people, undergrown people, ungrowable people, and even people refusing to grow.

With the first two, you’ll feel great, comfortable and in safe hands. If the second two are given a little face-lift, they can be fun to be with. For the third two, perhaps their Creator will someday come down from heaven to save them.

The remaining two may not necessarily be as stupid as people think. They're “attention-junkies”, and their sad drama is created to have everyone focused on them. If you ask me, the best way to deal with them is refusing to deal with them. You cannot afford the rehab...and don’t say I didn't warn you!

When guys put on airs...

If you think behaving like scripts that are scripted to be slyly acted is a ladies thing, you've not met a guy putting on airs yet, particularly he who thinks he’s done something awesome, but unsung because the paparazzi are too jealous of him. So he becomes a self-publicist, spamming and abusing ‪hashtags until nobody cares anymore.

Maybe you've not seen a guy acting tough, especially when females are around to say “WOAH! Did you see how he stood up to that dangerous guy?” – The verbal onslaught is situation-provoked, like the kind of nerve that one runs up a flagpole to see if folks will salute, but behind the scenes, they're all wimps. Schoolyard and street veterans should know what I am talking about.

Perhaps you've not had a contrary opinion with a guy trying to flex intellect on social media. You’ll be forced to get a dictionary close by, because he’ll bombard you with words that you never knew existed, acting as if you’re beneath his level of evolution, or probably born and raised in a wildlife park. You know, that imaginary command of incontestable influence.

Weirdly enough, people that are fond of arguing for the heck of it are mostly the easily angered ones, especially when the dissenting person happens to be a ‘domi bajen’, like someone who’s competent at getting his own back, and he gives them a dose of their own medicine - they start to freak out, failing to take the cause of the drama into account.

Maybe you've also not met the ‘pseudo-badmen’ and their overblown feeling of significance. Those ones, what real men find misguided and dumb, like preying on the weak or disrespecting their women is the standard by which they measure their ‘badman-ness’. I don’t know, maybe they take too much notice of Chris Brown's daring acts, and it appears that their Rihanna(s) also find their badly chosen conducts very attractive.

Now in case someone is raring to ask what about me – I am one nosy dude who’s terribly absorbed in himself, but I'm working on my own disorder. In fact, give me two more years and I will bring home an international ‘Medal of Honour’ for awesomeness