Beliefs and debates...

Where beliefs are involved, debates are essential, especially when the belief-holders are even-tempered. However, when someone that you disagree with changes opinion, or is now seeing things your way, or switches over to the prevailing direction, say: “that’s what’s up brotha/sista. I knew you'd come round eventually, you're a reasonable person.”

This is what I see pious proselytisers do; they'll say "Hallelujah or Alhamdulillah Akhi/Ukhti." and I find that very welcoming and encouraging; a lot better than bashing the person's detour or bringing his or her past into play like you were keeping score the whole time.

Brotha Malcolm X said: “Don’t be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn’t do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today.” As for the seeker, if afforded an opening to be on the ball, don’t be pig-headed; it’ll be a disservice to self.

Buddies...

A "ride and die" is one who when he feels offended will tell you how he feels about you, knowing that anyone's capable of offending someone.

Childish buddies have this ever-shifting attitude of 'hail, best-friending' you one minute, behaving so coldly towards you next minute, and totally ignoring you thereafter, mostly based on very foolish third-party influenced assumptions.

I hate shit like that, even if good riddance is what it is. It's not like I'm a softy or something, I just hate to feel let down... and this post ain't personal.

The team...

A wise man once metaphorically so described a team as having a natural composition of four: the pilot, the crew, passengers, and baggages.

While not all can be pilots, or be responsible for steering the team at the same time, each one can be an active member of the full complement, either by being a crew member or a passenger, but not one who'll desert the team when things appear rough.

Then There're the baggage-like members. They may not be as helpful as the rest, but since you cannot go without them, and unless they become excess baggages, pick them up and shove them in the trunk if you must. Just make sure you handle the fragile ones with care, knowing that anyone can come in handy someday.

Respect is aura inspired...

If you’re disrespected at what you choose do for a living, check if your comportment at it is precisely the manner expected. Granted, even the poorest peasant deserves respect, but I am of the belief that the respect you demand has to be inspired by the aura you present.

Where I come from, it is said that if a hyena grows (unusual) disrespect for the lion, it is because of the latter’s comportment or appearance. (Bukki su yabbeh gaynde, si doxin wa la).

Cynicism isn't all bad...

If you had once undergone the emotional pains of a heartbreak, gotten fucked over by someone you thought was a great friend, got duped, double-crossed or sauced by a partner in business, and now you find yourself doubting the sincerity and motives of human beings, I say fair enough; once bitten, twice shy. In fact, where I come from, it is believed that having a trace of cynicism is a shield (nyow njorta dinai faral di wattu borom). The saying in Nigeria is: "person wey madman don bite before, if im see mechanic he go take off."

Just try!

If I am not the best, I am one of the most phenomenal leapers ayard, hands down. But that's stale news... lol - What I am trying to say is - you will never know your potential if you cannot defy doubts and dare public opinion, if you refuse to raise the bar, or challenge the best, just as I wouldn't have outperformed the best there was, or known how great a height I could jump if I hadn't tried dunking beyond the usual 10-foot hoop.

Class act!

Class act is when a lady goes on a date, then to the ladies' room to take a selfie, poses in front of the mirror, angles her hip to make the ass look huge, snaps: krakatch, krakatch, krakatch - comes back to the table, selects the best pic, uploads it, now waiting for the endorsements to roll in so she can reply as follows: “aww, thanks hun!” “It's for you bae!” “Oyofal rek my D!” “Banj nga merr…” etc.

Even those random pervs who comment about the stiffy they had from gawking at her pic will get to get a wink in assent, or an "Aww, wow, really? Thanks luv!" Meanwhile, her man is busying himself with the food, occasionally smiling in acquiescence, perhaps because he's too naive, too foolish, too helpless, the love too real, or him too nice a guy to see anything wrong with what looks like his passivity and innocence being preyed on.

Being giving...

If you're a willing giver, unsparingly sharing whatever you have because you're caring, best believe, your largess will be taken advantage of. You may even be accused of doing it to gain a good name.

But if you think it sucks to be a provider, be good-for-nothing, like have no means to give to those that you should share with, or have none to count on you for anything. You know, that messed up feeling of being broke and seeing things that you're morally and socially obligated to provide.

It's best to pray that you'll be afforded the means to fulfill hopes (yaakaar), and may the ones you provide for not also transgress the limits, because exceeding the usual bounds of yaakaar may lead to baakaar (sin).

About love and trust, what you allow is what you'll get...

Anyone who has the heart to love, care or trust can fall stupid for someone, it doesn't mean you're stupid. Calling you a stupid fool will only be apt when you're beslaved by the bullshit of getting invariably played but always thinking that the heartless perp will come around and see things your way ... in this life, you deserve whatever hurt you effing allow to continue.

Transformation is real yo!

On a lighter note, that kid that used to wipe her runny nose with her forearm and then on her clothes; the one you thought wasn't hot enough for you could someday be the chick of your wet dreams - and if you’re a girl, don’t dismiss the possibility that that boy with dried up baobab juice (icey bui) all over his mouth; the one you look at with eww, could one day be your never ending man crush.

Basically, what I'm saying is, think twice before you say never, because there's always a chance for transformation. In fact, this "Fatehleku Demba" (reminiscence) challenge that’s trending on here is a working example. Although I have seen cases of devolution too, like once cute kids gone meh – y’know, the ones you gawk at and in your head you’re like: lord have mercy! What the hell went wrong?

Doers...

Doers are three:

The low-key doers - subtle in approach and so evasive of attention. Their methods can be overly reckful, causing them to be misunderstood; their routes often so long and winding but usually practical.

The high-key doers - they must flaunt theirs out loud, so it can be seen, heard and talked about. You cannot but admire their gift for attention.

The Trojans or undoers if you like - they’re often appealingly disguised as genuine doers, but spitefully misleading… may we know them so we know how to deal with them.

Misunderstanding...

Misunderstanding is human, just as it is human to be willing to put an end to it through communication, but if instead of talking to each other, you are so fixed on talking about each other, what you really need to talk to each other about will end up not getting said, causing more contention and widening of the divide.

Be a comforter...

When a loved one is going through a tough life, be easy on the individual; be a comforter like it could've been you, and knowing that not every show of emotional pressure is volitional, yabateh, or hamadi.

You wouldn't want to wait until shit happens, and then be woken up by your conscience, wishing you could go back in time to be there for the person... but that is if you're as caring.

Expect it...

The worst reaction you'll ever get, or the most inconducive feeling you'll ever feel can come from the one you expected the best from. One needs no particular talent to be inclined to disappoint. So, to cause your morale to be at a high, expect this and you will never be disheartened or too agitated by been let down.

Tact...

When you're trying to arouse someone to action or to inspire an idea, but you end up upsetting the person, don't shake your head yet, check your chosen method, it is more than likely that you have overstepped the limits. Granted, the human spirt is sensitive, but I believe everyone is responsive to tact.

Awakening...

When you look back at your Facebook's ‘On This Day’ memories, at the swiftness of time, like, “wow, a year's gone already," if you recollect those events that once were, think about the people who are no longer with you, and you do not feel the need to resurrect your spirit from trivialities, be worried.

When you're favourably regarded...

When you're favourably regarded, be you a provider of some sorts, a star, or just famous for being famous, very few people will disagree with the things you say and do, even when they don't actually agree with you.

Theirs is usually self-serving, and you loving it is ego-serving, but it's also a sloping passage; descent is mostly so rapid and irreversible. Best thing is, have a few honest people around you, those who'll feel obligated to tell it like it is.

It takes two to tango...

You can make a point, or promote an idea without making an enemy in the process. It's very possible, but it takes two to make it happen; the point maker or the idea promoter must be tactful, and the target or audience as tolerant and liberal in perception and reaction.

So, in the event you cease to be on friendly terms with someone who once was, and want to delegate blame, remember that it takes two to nurture a dispute, two to want to function in harmony again, and two to mend the broken pieces.

Fashion...

If you still have your Chewan Jeans, your kick-ass Fila, Patrick Ewing or Converse sneakers from the 90s, keep them locked. Very soon old will become new again, just like half of what we call fashion today are but reinventions, perhaps costlier, flashier and kinkier. I think the fashion industry is undergoing a creative slowdown.

In fact, fashion is just a thing of time and nerve. When you wear yours ahead of everyone, but devoid of confidence in yourself, they’ll say it is ridiculous, wear it after everyone else, it is old-fashioned, and wear it with everyone else, it is at the height of fashion. I guess best thing is to don whatever it is that empowers you, even if it is gonna be well outside the mainstream, knowing that setting trend is nobody's monopoly.

The friend worth keeping...

Worse than a buddy whose only gift is the gift of taking from you is that fairweather friend whose obsession with his/her interest has escalated his/her indifference to a state of tragedy. I mean the type of acquaintance who even though you're emotionally pressured and he/she knows it, will pressure you even more, mostly with his/her own problems, like you don't have enough already.

You know, that type of friend who'll rudely interrupt your needed complain just to ask for a spare sheet of rizla... with a friend like that, man, you don't need an enemy.

A friend whose friendship sees beyond personal interest will listen to you not only when times are good. He/she will tolerate your feelings of annoyance and occasional rants, without demonising your character, because he/she knows you to be better than that. He/she will ask if you want to talk about it, call out others who try to bother you, like: "hey, go easy on him, he's been under a lot of stress." May we be and be blessed with friends like that; it can prevent a lot.