I have a confession!

I have a confession. In fact I have always tried to be a symbol of this confession, but it seems to be overtaken by the high opinion that folks have of me, perhaps elicited by who they think I am. Some even overlook the ‘manta-bengho’ (stroke of luck) bit of events and make it feel like I did better than those homeboys that got messed up in that life we all led, or those serving time for herb offences.

To begin with, let me declare that if achievement or overcoming obstacles to become somebody was the inevitable result of CONSCIOUS effort, I wouldn't have been where I am today. I would probably be one pissed off, uneducated and dissenting element of the underclass.

Flashback - When I was growing up, I had two lives. One was to appease my mom (RIP) because she was strict like that, so my home life had to be well-mannered, but outside the home, I was a kid on his own and I did whatever I wanted.  In short, my life at home was regulated, but I totally owned the one outside.

My performance in school was not so highly regarded. In fact I never looked forward to top grades. I can hangout till late doing what boys do and knowing that I have an exam the next day. All I wanted was to pass and I did just that. I did everything the school declared inappropriate, because to me, compliance was a weakness. I talked back to teachers and laughed in the face of those massively proud prefects, because I can't stand illusions of power. 

I was an epitome of willfulness but I swear I wasn't stupid. I passed unaided to go to Armitage then to Nusrat, and hardly graced Saturday classes with my presence. If I ever wore my uniform tucked-in, know that it was against my will. I wasn't part of those cool students that used to take the front rows during assembly, if I attended assemblies that is. I never raised my hand to answer questions in class even when I knew all the answers.  In fact I used to cause trouble or fake excuses to get out of class and to go to the basketball court or the garden.

In spite of this, one thing that keeps me going and hopeful up to now is my trust in change, and in the evident realisation of the fact that despite everything I did, the respect and dutifulness I afforded my mom is constantly proving worthwhile. I have always believed that for the one who’s intended for success, the way of success will always win, that hope wouldn't be born if all is healthy-looking, that things have changed, and things will change more, and so I promised myself never to lose my reason for living.