I found this quote: “Givers need
to set limits because takers rarely do.” According to the author, the givers
are the selfless people: those who always put others before themselves. They
give, share knowledge, mentor, listen to people's problems, etc. Takers on the
other hand are those who will get as much as possible from others without
giving anything in return - expediency over principles and consideration I’ll
call it.
Now, given my upsetting history
with being selfless, and I'm sure the price that many of you have paid for
being altruistic round here, I realised that this quote was exactly what I
needed, and trust me, for the first time in many years, I think I'm ready to
break free from being invested in adorations that are not taking me anywhere.
No, it wouldn't affect my generosity towards essential dependents. I got
this!
As for the Gambia, and perhaps
because of our solidarity in poverty, and how we encourage idleness in the name
of patience and faith, we don’t want to talk about these things lest we be
judged as arrogant (dehfa bhew/fuuy), but we have to. We don’t want to ‘gantu’
(say no), but sometimes we need to – it’s self preserving. We don’t want to be
seen as bad, but who is good in a society where doing nine good things for
people but one mistake qualifies you as wicked, eh?
Fascinated by the topic, I had to
check who to ascribe the origin of the quote to. Irma Kurtz and Henry Ford both
came as sources, but I also came across another piece on LinkedIn, on the same
subject, published on October 16, 2015 by Cathi Bew, a Professional Tarot
Reader, and I couldn’t stop nodding my head in agreement. I had to ‘follow’ her
and share the piece. She said:
“We all know the “takers” in our
lives, don’t we? The people who always want somebody else to do what they may
be too lazy to do themselves. Always short of money although not when it comes
to the luxuries in life. Expecting others to drop whatever they’re doing and
rush to their aid.
I could go on but I think you’ve
all got the picture and already have images of people like this familiar to you
popping into your head? I know I have. I speak from experience when I say it’s
not easy to break the pattern of always saying, “Yes, of course” but, trust me,
it can be broken.
Ask yourself if they would do the
same for you? No? Then up to you to establish boundaries. The next time the
“taker” asks you for something, take a deep breath, and say “no” and mean it.
They won’t like it but at least it will let them know that the “worm has
turned” and is not always ready, willing and able. After the first refusal,
you’ll find it gets easier to say no and, hopefully, they will get the hint and
find another mug‘er “Giver” and leave you alone = result!
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