Some fundraising is just fund firing...

And when you say these things, you’re said to be jealous, usually by those who mooch off such events, and those who take advantage of the free food and free entertainment therein, and perhaps the opportunity to take tons of photos in some high-class washroom to be uploaded on social media the next day.

Like seriously, today, while there are honourable ones, generating funds to support causes round here is not unlike robbing Peter to pay Paul, because Paul claims he wants to be of assistance to Peter. So illogical! But most politically and commercially motivated affairs are illogical anyway, and unfortunately on shaky ground - considering the frequency, our sickly economic situation, and the fact that majority of the target sponsors are public enterprises that are supposed to be austere with public spending under the circumstances.

So, any pen pusher can wake up one morning, pandiculates like: “Ooooahhh, what can I do today to be in the good books of these men in white Khaftan or grey suit? I get it! Let me make plans for some fundraising event, or perhaps launch something in honour of someone.” Before long, some promotional partner is identified, and an event is thought up, but only in imitation of one before, or the ones before that - zero novelty.

Next, some big business is identified as main sponsor, either to offset some of the cost or to foot it entirely, and it’s usually some megabyte-thieving GSM company, one that’s probably not had any salary increase for its staff in a long while. But even if fatigued, they have to do this because it’s a “corporate social responsibility.” Then the other sponsors are left to decide on the remaining class-discriminating options, depending on what they think they can afford.

Usually, it’s not even about what they can afford. Some invitations are such that they’re blackmailing. Like those under the “distinguished patronage” of some powerful man in Khaftan, and with grounds invented to lend legitimacy and authority to the event, and to cause spending officers to donate against their will, either because they fear not taking part, because it was a misleading obligation,  or out of guilt that sister enterprises are taking part. But just like problems, every nonsense has an expiry date.