When I get really pissed off...

Sometimes when I get really pissed off, I wish I was one big uninformed village dweller - a very remote village, and probably go by the name Seedati. So when madam needs me, she’ll call out: “Nmbaring Seedati Wooo!” and I’ll say: “Nnamoo, Kanjango!”

When the kids are sent to call me for a meeting at the village square, they’ll say: “Nfa Seedati, Nfa Suntukung ko Alikalo ko e’sitay danku Bantabato” and there my peers will be like: “Afang Seedati, korrtanteh, dimbayal'lay, hamdullah, mbeh siidula, Barrkallah.”

If we need clarification on current issues, we’ll just call one of those village VIPs or a certain local champion if you like. I mean those transistor-radio holding BBC listening unqualified teachers or auxiliary nurses on postings. Seriously, sometimes one is happier being clueless.