‘Ngor’ (integrity and nobility)

On one occasion, at our regular spot, this freeloader of a dude wanted a smoke from a mentally unstable guy who was also one of us. So he was like: “Boy Mai Ma Tuti Amphora”, the guy gave him some. “Mai Ma Rizla” the guy gave him two sheets, “Abalma Ligh...” and before he could say ‘lighter’, the unstable guy couldn’t help it anymore, he yelled: “HOHOOO! Boy Yowe Amulor Ben Ngor, Ma Mai La Amphora, Mai La Rizla, Abal La Lighter? You have to try my friend”

Reminiscing about old times and this came to mind, but on a serious note, where there is no ‘Ngor’ (integrity and nobility), charity, benevolence and selflessness will turn into weaknesses, as those at the receiving end will tend to make demands without end; you know, pleading without temperance and contentment.

For that reason, it becomes the giver’s burden to exercise prudence in the way (s)he gives, knowing that not everything being begged for is anchored in dire need. Weirdly, some folks can solicit assistance for very selfish desires, or to only take advantage of the giver's generosity; they’re never satisfied with their lot.

At the end of the day, whilst you’re benevolently there for them, they’re there for theirs, and they won’t cease if you cannot ‘Gantu’ (say no) like the unstable guy. Even if your very last is what you’re giving, they’ll still ask for more because in their minds, yours is probably inexhaustible, and they don’t care about the means to what you give them.

You have to be able to know when to unshackle yourself from being taken advantage of, know when selflessness requires a bit of selfishness, because when eventually your blood is sucked to the last drop, those same bloodsuckers that took part in making you anaemic will be the same ones poking fun at your resultant state of pallor and weariness.