“Gambians don’t feel comfortable to be critiqued”

It is almost generally held that “Gambians don’t feel comfortable to be critiqued” - but I don’t think that notion holds in all cases. I believe folks are sometimes not okay with criticisms not because they’re easily upset, but because some haters disguise themselves as constructive critics, so that they can hate on everything you do, and without offering any well-reasoned opinion that can improve your work. 

Whenever such people are asked to comment on something, they have this awful bias of acting as if the outcome must be negative, and instead of being friendly in the process, they’re more than usually oppositional, as if nothing you do is ever right, and that’s impossible because “even a broken clock would be right twice a day.” Another thing I find funny is the use of borrowed audacity - the ‘sanj sanj lou’ if you like.

This piece is not motivated by the experience that I am about to share, but I think it’s relevant. On one occasion I volunteered to author a part of a certain document, and I had to swallow my public speaking phobia to politely attend the validation, but there I became conscious of the fact that a lot of people comment on issues just for the heck of ridiculing someone, or probably because they’ve seen others doing it and they don’t want to appear dumb.

At the end of the validation, I called all their rectifications "wreck-tifications", because instead of looking at the substance, mechanical and grammatical accuracy of what was before them, all their suggestions were badly chosen synonyms, half of which I rejected because the write-up was on a specialised area that required the use of specialised words. Now instead of talking about the complete waste of my valuable time, they concluded that I was just another Gambian that cannot stand criticism. 

One of them came to me during coffee break to ask how hot my seat was. I was appalled that seeing me shaky and sweating under the AC in my bid to regain composure was all what mattered to that one.  So that she can go home and gossip about my awkward state, and to probably claim glory for asking stupid questions.

I think it strips down to being passionate about nonsense; like I used to be about my observations when I was a junior auditor.  So eventually when the issues that I thought were valid observations get resolved and I had to go back to base with nothing but a good evaluation of the client, I used to feel bad, but now I see things differently. I have grown to realise that the audit exercise was not for me to inflate my ego, but to add value and to be more constructive than destructive to the client.

I am not saying the notion is wrong, but for every Gambian that hates to be critiqued, I think there is an equal share that cannot appreciate or celebrate anything. If you ask me, don’t be like me in my junior audit days - “if you can't say something nice (and constructive), don't say anything at all” - and for those of us that pretend to be tolerant by asking for advice, criticism or whatever, if you know you’re going to be distressed by what you’re going to get, then don’t ask for feedback.

The buffering human being...

You know that feeling when you’re trying to watch an online video with an internet speed like ours, and you have to wait against your will before it can play without stuttering. Shit’s called “buffering” - but even more annoying than a buffering video is a buffering human being.

You know those yawn-inducing people that are so slow on the uptake that you cannot even engage them in ordinary gossip without getting upset, because they’ll want you to go into every detail, as if you’re that pathetic.

See this gossip that I engaged in for instance:

“Boy, I think Ojo is bored of his girl.” He asked: “which Ojo?” I murmured: “the one standing behind.” Then he said: “but there is no Ojo behind you.” Now I retorted but softly: “Shhh! I mean Ebou, “Ojo” is just a code.” Now he got it, but he asked: “why did you say he’s bored?” I said “because he flirts with every girl he chances on.” Now he wants to know the names of those girls, where they live, how “Ojo” flirted with them, how I knew it was a flirt, and so on - In the end, I just had to give the fuck up

A common ailment between an idiot, a retard and a person like this is the inability to quickly overstand issues or to draw logical conclusions.

Theirs is not unlike the Donkey-Syndrome. Remember I once said on here that the reason why the donkey brays at the dead of night is because that’s the time it can make sense of the day's events. So whenever it calls something to mind and a certain humour strikes, it goes about hee-hawing the whole place – and you know you're not unlike a "buffering person" if you cannot make sense out of this piece *winks*

Food for thought…

How many times have you not closed your eyes to a wrong simply because it was committed by someone you lionise? Haven’t you ever competed with poor people for something that was provided or given for free, and despite having the means to pay for it?

Tell me you’ve never borrowed and didn’t return, or employed the services of broke people without giving them something in proportion to their hectic labour? Tell me you’ve never used anyone as trampoline, betrayed or played game on anyone, or have someone jumped for your own personal benefit?

Tell me you’ve never left someone grumbling about his troubles, when in secret you’re hoarding more than enough to change his life? Tell me you’ve never offered a price too high or set a price too low to something and only because you want to deprive someone from getting that thing?

How many times haven’t you preached that people should learn to help each other, but as it happens you don’t have a single person on your own record? Have you not ever shown someone empathy on account of a misfortune, only to go behind his back and proclaim that his condition is but a deserved retribution? (defko Moye)

Haven’t you made someone appear to be the perpetrator of a wrong that you personally committed – and even if the wrong was as small as farting in public - but now you have the effrontery to pretend to be very caring or perhaps the realest and coolest thing since kool-aid? 

Simple is sexy!

Every woman is beautiful, but beauty can be enhanced or cheapened by the appropriateness or inappropriateness of what one attires oneself, and it doesn’t matter if Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Coco Chanel or Fendi is what it is - if it’s a fail, it’s a fail.

See, some of us that believe in omens don’t take the first things that we catch sight of lightly. If you’re the first thing I come across, on a Monday morning especially, and you’re ruthlessly dressed in some lamely accepted figure-hostile outfit, like you’re modelling for a charity shop; I am going to go back to bed, knowing that my hustle’s already messed up.

For my part, a lady doesn't have to look like a colouring book to be beautiful, and certainly not like the female version of Lat Dior Ngoneh Latir Diop. Being dressed in something simple and figure-friendly is more pleasing to the eye. This opinion is somewhat dittoed by the ‪Wolof saying that one should eat what one enjoys, but must wear what pleases others. (Laykal lula nekh, waaye solal lu nekh nit nyi) – Have a great week ahead!

Life goes on!

It is heartbreaking to come upon a friend that you used to ride it out with, and only to realise that he’s now mentally ill. Especially not just a friend, but a true ride or die, an epitome of genuine loyalty, always down for you regardless. One that will never think about giving up his integrity for anything hostile to what you had, much less try to cause your downfall.

You started reminiscing on the good old times, and how y’all used to share dreams of a bigger life, but by Allah’s guidance you survived the game that he got messed up at. Now you’re sad, seeing him in a state that you could've been in. You so badly want to help, but what do you know about mental health. You find it retarded that folks are making fun of his illness, discounting the fact that it could've been them or theirs. 

Someone said “at its best, life is completely unpredictable” and he’s right. Things will always change and sometimes all wrong. Friends will come and go. Some will be successful, build new identities, some will remain on the breadline, some will make friends in accordance with their new standings, others will preserve their humbleness, some will travel abroad and go native, some will die young, some clinically insane, some junkies, some incarcerated, some will lengthen their beards and be holier than everyone, some considered apostates, some shameless sycophants, and so on.

The unexpected will force certain autobiographies to be rewritten, but at the end of the day, strength demands that we take comfort in knowing that no matter what happens next, life will still go one and we must become accustomed to that. May our individual stories be afforded happy endings. Speedy recovery to those in poor health, whether mind or body. May all departed souls find eternal peace.

Stages of growth...

For as long as you live, you’ll come across people with different stages of growth - you’ll meet grown people, growing people, growable people, not-quite-grown people, overgrown people, undergrown people, ungrowable people, and even people refusing to grow.

With the first two, you’ll feel great, comfortable and in safe hands. If the second two are given a little face-lift, they can be fun to be with. For the third two, perhaps their Creator will someday come down from heaven to save them.

The remaining two may not necessarily be as stupid as people think. They're “attention-junkies”, and their sad drama is created to have everyone focused on them. If you ask me, the best way to deal with them is refusing to deal with them. You cannot afford the rehab...and don’t say I didn't warn you!

When guys put on airs...

If you think behaving like scripts that are scripted to be slyly acted is a ladies thing, you've not met a guy putting on airs yet, particularly he who thinks he’s done something awesome, but unsung because the paparazzi are too jealous of him. So he becomes a self-publicist, spamming and abusing ‪hashtags until nobody cares anymore.

Maybe you've not seen a guy acting tough, especially when females are around to say “WOAH! Did you see how he stood up to that dangerous guy?” – The verbal onslaught is situation-provoked, like the kind of nerve that one runs up a flagpole to see if folks will salute, but behind the scenes, they're all wimps. Schoolyard and street veterans should know what I am talking about.

Perhaps you've not had a contrary opinion with a guy trying to flex intellect on social media. You’ll be forced to get a dictionary close by, because he’ll bombard you with words that you never knew existed, acting as if you’re beneath his level of evolution, or probably born and raised in a wildlife park. You know, that imaginary command of incontestable influence.

Weirdly enough, people that are fond of arguing for the heck of it are mostly the easily angered ones, especially when the dissenting person happens to be a ‘domi bajen’, like someone who’s competent at getting his own back, and he gives them a dose of their own medicine - they start to freak out, failing to take the cause of the drama into account.

Maybe you've also not met the ‘pseudo-badmen’ and their overblown feeling of significance. Those ones, what real men find misguided and dumb, like preying on the weak or disrespecting their women is the standard by which they measure their ‘badman-ness’. I don’t know, maybe they take too much notice of Chris Brown's daring acts, and it appears that their Rihanna(s) also find their badly chosen conducts very attractive.

Now in case someone is raring to ask what about me – I am one nosy dude who’s terribly absorbed in himself, but I'm working on my own disorder. In fact, give me two more years and I will bring home an international ‘Medal of Honour’ for awesomeness